den of the icewulf

Brain Fart: Heart & Brain

2012-01-12T10:50:00.000-08:00

Your heart is there to love, not to think. Your brain is there to think, not to love -icewulf

Fingers on the keys once again...

2011-12-22T10:41:00.000-08:00

After another slew of asian snacks, counting the minutes, origami, logic puzzles, stumble upon stumbling (thanks Carlo), sudoku and brain farts in between, I find my brain ready to write and compose once again.

Now what the heck am I gonna write about? Pfft, anything and everything I guess!

Insight on Fear

2008-11-22T23:19:00.000-08:00

...just presenting an old insight...hope it helps my dear.

"Having no fear is an impossibility. Claiming to have no fears is stupidity. Believing to have no fears is living in a fantasy. Accepting and facing one's own fears is courage, bravery."
-icewulf

...of love and lust

2008-11-08T00:14:00.000-08:00

Of Love And Lust
-rey

Dusk conquers the land
As I watch your silhouette
And the splendor it adds
To the divine sunset.

A shadow of temptation
Triggering an insatiable craving.
Captivated, I am zombified
Body and soul starts raving.

I hold your hand
And feel its warmth.
Compliment it with a kiss,
Fueled by the pyres of my heart.

I wrap you in a warm embrace
And caress your every curve
Teasing your vulnerable spots
Alluring every nerve.

I bear you in a lovers’ carry
And lay you down in bed.
Tuck you inbetween the sheets
And leave a kiss on your forehead.

I slip right beside you
And cross your legs with mine.
I place my arms around you
I kiss your neck, we entwine.

Good night my dear, goodnight.
Blessed am I to see your face
Right before I end this day
Blessed am I to end it with you this way.

Good night my dear, good night.
I reach and turn off the lights.
Good night my dear good night.
Don’t hold your moans and sighs.

....yihee!

2008-10-21T12:33:00.001-07:00

...angeles crest highway, bofa, fireworks...hmmm.

rekindled
-rey

sanity's lost
feelings flare
forgotten cost
everything bare

warm to the touch
soft to the lips
hugs that mean so much
tingling from a kiss

walls torn down
embers relit
give the queen her crown
on her throne she sits

life comes full circle
love, passion, desire
words of the oracle
hearts on fire

...hah!

2008-10-21T01:20:00.000-07:00

i
am
back!

...lost in thoughts again.

2007-08-16T19:27:00.000-07:00

Versus
-rey

Listen. Tune in.
Just yield. Give in!

Resist! Stand firm.
Don't blink. Don't squirm.

Rebel, stand up!
Stir chaos and snap!

Focus, Persist!
Strive & insist.

Fuel your hate
Rise & retaliate!

Hold back, restrain.
Think twice. Remain.

............
...................

Sit down & pray,
Let Him show the way.

...from a king, for a queen...

2007-07-29T10:18:00.000-07:00

got rice? i'm bored.

I Don't, But I Do
-rey

I don't love you because of your charming ways
But I do love you in spite of all hear-say.

I don't love you because of your creative prowess
But I do love you in spite of all your madness.

I don't love you because of your unmatched wits
But I do love you in spite of your dramatic fits.

I don't love you because of your awesome appeal
But I do love you in spite of your temper, whatever the deal.

I don't love you because of your eye-catching physique
But I do love you in spite the fact that i'm not always who you pick.

No, I don't love you because of,
But I do love you inspite of.

...random prowls on the net: ...portrait?!

2007-07-12T08:05:00.001-07:00

Who Should Paint You: Alfred Gockel

All American yet funky, you inspire an artist's imagination
And while not everyone will understand your portrait, you will!

What Artist Should Paint Your Portrait?

...collaborations...

2007-06-14T10:17:00.000-07:00

...a carnival, an early morning, sitting by an awesome poet while having a few monsters equals this.

Untitled
-rey and rae

Walking through the grass
Wandering how long life lasts.
Watching my loved ones die
Has become a normal day.
Wishing this life and end
Sooner
Rather than
Later
Numbed, scarred
Life plateaus
No more sunrise or sunset
Just the perpetual limbo
Of life that was
And the imminent death that is.

Untitled
-rey & rae

Grab the lens, take the shot
Pictures blurry, nothing new
Wonder growing…every new thought
Every new…
Every…
No…new thoughts. [Loser.]

Find a new angle
…new perspective
I need better lighting.

Nothing’s gonna change
All is lost.

Expose the film
Break the lens
Grab a Monster
Call it a day.

...two poems

2006-06-18T14:58:00.000-07:00

Two poems for two wonderful people.

Guardian Angel
-rey

Might I be so blessed to have you here
An angel in my life of sorrow and fear.
Reminder and guide, guardian and friend
Impure though I am, your hands and heart you lend.
Standing by me, a pillar of strength
Stay with me, forever I'll be indebted
And I will praise the Lord, who heard me as I pleaded.

Queen of the Dance

-rey

Aloft the clouds she glides

Sway balance with a point

Heart on fire, soulful raves

Life and music she craves

Each step an elation

Youth on fire with passion.

...one of my life's many angels.

2006-05-03T10:07:00.000-07:00

Katherine
-rey

Outskirts of Lipa City, 1330 hours. The 16th of February, 1998.

The silence is deafening and not even a gentle breeze moves a blade of grass. One can feel it in his skin, death is in the air. Finally a breeze blows through…and it reeks of blood. At the turn of a corner sitting on a pool of blood wide-eyed is the one they call the Icewulf. He’s a teenager with a past blanketed with a haze of deceit and hatred. A single tear falls down his cheek as he heaves. With but a glance one would notice that the blood is not his. Laying in his arms like a rag doll is a young lady. Her name is Katherine, but to those who know her relationship to the Icewulf she is called Wolfsbane, named after the beautiful albeit very poisonous flower used to kill wolves. Hearsay dictates that she is the one person able to control him.

On Katherine’s white tank top, right above her left breast lays the source of the red pool, a single gunshot wound. It was a single shot that was aimed at the Icewulf, until she pushed him out of the bullet’s path and received the piece of metal in his stead. His eyes, all glazed stare right into hers as his mind races through memories of just a few minutes ago…

South expressway, 1300 hours. Destination: Lipa City, current speed 160 kilometers per hour.

“Don’t you ever drive slower than 120kph?!”
“Not this discussion again Kathy!”
“Somehow I knew you’d say that. Hah!” Kathy chuckled as he puts on his yeah-right-whatever face on.

“Anyway, I hope you don’t mind but I want to ask you something.”
“You’re my best friend you know you don’t need to ask for permission to ask a question, you know that.”
“Well, then let me ask you…how are you?”
“You’re asking me how I am?
“Yes.”
“You know how I am, you’re with me everyday!”
‘No really, how are you?”
“Oh, I see. Well I’m doing well. Haven’t felt better in a long time.”
“Good to hear, I noticed it in you too. Um, maybe it’s time we stopped all the crazy stuff and just enjoy the calm we have now.”

He takes a while to reply. He looks at her and sees that she was serious, she was indeed pouring out a real sentiment.

“Why? Shouldn’t we take this as a time to prepare ourselves for the next maneuver? Don’t tell me you forgot already all the pain some people have caused you?!” His voice is stern, he’s always full of pride. However, one look into his eyes and one would notice that he is considering her suggestion.

“C’mon, you know as well that I do that there’s nothing to gain by feeding our hatred, depression and by letting our past haunt us. We’ve finally found our way back home, we’ve finally found God again, and we’ve gotten rid of most of our burdens already. It’s time we let go of the past and finally be able to start anew! You teach it, now let’s live it!”

“Kat, you sound just like me when I’m giving a retreat session…it’s scaaaary.”
“Haha…go ahead and laugh but I’m serious. We have gotten past our problems at home, with our exs, with our other friends, with our old acquaintances and influences. But we still let the past haunt us, if we let it go that would be taking off the last anchor that weighs us down. I want to make this step and I want you, my best friend, to come with me coz I know you share the same burdens I do.”

“Best friend?...Yeah. Well…we’ll see.” His face hides nothing about what he feels, clearly something she mentioned changed his mood.

“Why so gloomy all of a sudden? Something I said? Last time I checked we still are the best of friends, right?”
“Yeah sure.” He tries to break a smile. This time its Kat’s turn to look down with her smile fading but he doesn’t notice.

“Alright, we’re exiting now. Hey Kat why don’t we drop by the place where we used to play hide and seek with everyone? It’s just nearby.”
She immediately puts her smile back on and nods, her eyes dictate that she’s lost in thought.

Minutes later they park the car by the side of the road and decide to take a walk. They start pointing out spots where they used to hide while reminiscing. Across the road two drunk and noisy men walk by, one looks familiar. Icewulf waves at one of them but before he utters a word he hears Kat scream and shove him aside. He falls to the ground hard and in shock.

Outskirts of Lipa City, 1331 hours.

He snaps out of his flashbacks as she tries to move her left arm, pain clearly showing in her face she reaches for his shirt. “Take it easy.” he says, breaking the silence, “Hang in there, you’ll be ok.” She tries to break a smile and in a weak and shivering voice a few words escape her lips. “You saved my life so many times before, I’m glad I was able to save yours when it mattered the most. Take care of yourself ok? No more crazy stuff.”

“This is not the time for this kind of talk Kat.” His voice revealing he’s about to break. With a smile on her face she replies, “There will be no other time. Listen, please. Remember all we talked about before we got here? Please, consider it all. You know this is your second chance, don’t waste it. Let go of your hatred, be thankful you are where you are.”

“Please Kat save your strength…”
“Don’t worry I’ll be fine, I love you.”
He stares at her wide-eyed. It’s the first time she ever said that to him. He’s known her for years now, she never lets go of those words unless she means it. Not even some of her past boyfriends heard her utter those words.
“Don’t look at me that way, silly….” Her sentence is cut off by a cough. Some blood comes from her mouth as she coughed.
She stares him right in the eyes. “I always have and I always will. Take care.”
With barely any sound coming from his shaking lips he utters, “I always have and I always will too.”
Hearing those words she smiles her most beautiful smile in her lifetime, then she’s gone.

...pride of the Father, warriors of the Spirit, sisters in Christ

2006-03-22T12:09:00.000-08:00

Sisters In Christ

-rey

Spirit awakens, a relationship is born

Underneath the differences, a common dawn

Zooming past the chaos of a troubled world

Each one a flower blooming amongst discord

Touched by my hand I am blessed!

Touching my heart, twice over, I'm blessed!

Endeared to me, endeared to the Spirit

Kindhearted souls of service and discipleship

Abounding in love they share their gifts

Re-echoing the voice of He who declared them fit.

Ensnaring the demons of the world they march on

Noble and holy warriors of the Son!

Death has no grip

All evil has no voice

Resounding faith, their shield and armor

Love is their sword.

Envied by the wicked

Nitpicked by the fallen

Each one challenged by darkness

And yet not one remains beaten.

Smiles of peace are found on their lips

Hell freezes over at their words of prayer

Life regenerates with their healing touch

Every eye turns to God as they let loose their laughter

Young at heart yet mature in Spirit

Maidens handpicked to serve this world we live in

All called and instructed to prepare the way

Readying the path for His glorious day

I have had the privilege to have been in their presence

Sisters in Christ, I treasure them all

Sisters in the Spirit have been since they answered His call.

A new, cleansing fire that swept my conscience

Each one a source of strength and inspiration

Reminding my battered soul that I too am called.

I pause and I pray. Glorified shall you be for such creations, Father almighty!

Keep them forever close to your heart, and please ensure their safety,

And I thank you for sending them my way during my days of frailty. Amen.

Sampaguita Song

2006-03-02T12:33:00.000-08:00

Just a lil' sumthin per the request of a Bastard. Lol! hope this helped!

Sampaguita Song
-rey

Flashing lights before your eyes
Jeepneys and taxis flying by
Dare these seas of machina
Swim the ocean of Manila

Spread the angels' breath
With every string, every wreath
Tempt the senses for a few pesos
Crack a smile albeit angry bellows
Watch the lights,
Then maybe not
Cheat life to live
Perhaps drivers forgive.

Sing your song
Raise your hands
Sing between the lanes
Sing from the stands

"For the Santo Niño,
For the Blessed Mother,
For the ailing sister,
For the jeepney driver!

Sampaguita! Sampaguita!
Buy a string, buy a wreath
Buy the beauty and the scent
Of the angels' breath!"

Randomness.

2006-01-12T19:05:00.000-08:00

20 Random Facts

Tagged by Con

1. I knew how to read, write, add & subtract 2 digit numbers when I was 3 years old.

2. I work two jobs. One as an auditor, one as a youth minister.

3. An officemate calls me "lolo" and people from the youth ministry call me "tatay". (Both here

in L.A. and back home in Tanauan)

4. Since I was three years old, I have always wanted to learn to fly (with AND without an

airplane)

5. Eighty percent of the stuff in my room back home in Lipa are stuff given to me by friends

which I decided to keep and preserve.

6. My record for solving the Rubik's cube is two minutes flat, my average is five minutes.

7. I've been writing poetry since I was three years old.

8. It doesnt matter which hand I use to hold my spoon or fork when I eat. I can eat as

comfortably with the spoon or fork on either hand.

9. Until I turned six years old, I could write with both hands.

10. I drink three to five tumblers full of coffee between the hours of 6:00am to 8:00am.

11. I collect Care Bear stuffed toys, I have at least 30 already.

12. I am my sister's wardrobe, hair and make-up consultant.

13. I lust for Charlize Theron.

14. I have perfected the mix of Amaretto, Welch's Cran-Apple Juice and Smirnoff Raspberry Vodka. Which me and my friends are yet to name.

15. Vodka, Tequila, Gin, Beer, Rum, Red & White Wine don't scare me. But plain Bailey's turns my stomach inside out.

16. I would eat Isaw and Kwek-kwek anytime, anywhere.

17. I collect stamps, coins, silver crosses, shot glasses & Care Bears.

18. When I go shopping I buy more stuff for friends than for myself.

19. I am "green minded" because of 11 years of LaSallian education. Go figure.

20. I drank tequila with Drew Barrymore.

Now I tag everyone I linked up to.

...hic

2006-01-12T18:17:00.000-08:00

Day of Sobriety
-rey

A break into reality.
Whoa! The real feeling of gravity.
A better sense of direction,
Goodbye fourth dimension!

Leaps and bounds I take
But no broken glasses in my wake.
A clear path lays in front of me
And my steps! I’ve made more than three!

A day of sobriety
Crystal and crisp as can be.
Renewing and refreshing
Reinvigorating and liberating.

But my mansions, where are my mansions?!
Oh, what happened to my billions?!
My dear, you’re the ugliest I’ve ever seen!
And might I ask, where is your twin?

I think I need a drink.

...just passing through.

2006-01-05T13:03:00.000-08:00

Passing Through
-rey

Another morning, another day.
Just passing through, coming by your way.
A little wave just to say hi.
Hoping for a chance to see you smile.

Passing through, killing time,
But savoring this moment like vintage wine.
Passing through I see skies clear and blue,
In your aura I find one more reason to live life anew.

Passing through, stretching out.
Relieving stress without a doubt.
Hoping for a word, a nod, a glance,
Or hear you call my name by chance.

Another morning, another day.
Just passing through, coming by your way.
A little wave just to say hi.
Hoping for a chance to see you smile.

...love...my two cents worth.

2005-12-02T00:12:00.000-08:00

**NOTE 12/15/05: Bro, please check this link >>> Joisa's Blog Post on Friendster

what she has to say and what i have to say in the post below affirm each other, (incase you needed a second opinion)**

**NOTE 12/12/05: Hiya peeps! I'm making this post public now with the permission of the great guy who i wrote this email to. Just my two cents worth, hope it comes in handy sometime.(originally composed 12/02/05)**

Ei Bro!

Sup? It’s been quite a while now hasn’t it? Well I’m just glad you’re doing better than last time.

Dude you’ve asked me this time and again, “How would I know if I’m in love?” and always I tell you, “You just know.” Hence, if you’re planning to ask me if you are in love with someone, well more than likely the answer is no. Set yourself free! Hang loose! Don’t you dare even think of analyzing love and the symptoms of it lest you want to drive yourself crazy. Don’t think more than you have to. Love comes, love goes, love remains. You feel it, not think about nor analyze it. Have you been hurt? Have you felt pain? Insult maybe Or maybe even treachery? Now despite those feelings, do you still long for the person? Do you find it possible to forgive and see through the pain, dirt and confusion? If you do then there you go, that’s love. You just “know” it’s there. No analysis needed, no scientific methods of deduction and soving.

You could and will reach your extremes, be it joy or despair, anger or calmness and despite what you feel you could still find in your heart happiness for “the one.” She could tell you to your face “I’m in love with someone else…” and you would just smile though your heart is breaking and tell her you’re happy for her. She could spit in your face and insult you but the moment she trips and falls you would still be there to catch her. Hah! The irony and the beauty of love.

Beauty maybe but skin deep, but not so when it pertains to the beauty of someone in love, for that person’s beauty transcends anything and everything. How come? Because it is the kind of beauty that rests not on the surface, but is rooted deep in the soul. Another reason why you will just “know” when you’re in love. Love is in your heritage, it is in your being. Love is who you are. Remember, you were created in His image and likeness, the likeness of love. It is your nature, it is in you. It is not something you learn, it is what you ARE. Search for love within yourself, ask Him, and I guarante you’ll find love. Have faith.

Remember the story I told you? The story of the old man with a scarred and bleeding heart and the young man with a clean and shining heart? I hope you do. Remember, the heart that has bled, lost a few pieces and gained a few, is a heart that has truly loved.

Well, I gotta go for now bro. Till next we meet. Keep yourself in prayer. I’ll be around whenever you need me. Oh and next time drinks are on me.

God Bless!

-Rey

lumabas mula sa bughaw

2005-11-30T09:34:00.000-08:00

...ala lang...zzzzzzz.

Unang Sugat
lyrics by: Rey
music by: (tbd)

Tanda ko pa noon
Ikaw ang una kong pag-ibig
Mga salitang kay tamis
Sariwa sa iyong bibig.

Mga pangakong kailan man
Pagiibigan ay di mabubuwag.
Paglalambing na ubod ng tamis
Magkayakap magdamag.

Ngunit di rin nagtagal
Ako'y iyong pinagtaksilan.
Puso'y ibinasura
Ipinagpalit na sa iba.

Unang sugat sa puso
Hatid ng pagtalikod sa pangako
Unang sugat sa puso
Dala ng pag-ibig na bigo
Unang sugat ng puso
Magpakailanma'y magdurugo.

Tumakas sa karimlan ng mundo
Nagisip pinagnilayan ng husto.
Ganito ba talaga ang buhay
May madidilim na kulay?

Pinatibay ang loob
At nagbalik sa liwanag.
Nabuhay muli at ngumiti
Ngunit di na maibabalik ang dati.

Unang sugat sa puso
Hatid ng pagtalikod sa pangako
Unang sugat sa puso
Dala ng pag-ibig na bigo
Unang sugat ng puso
Magpakailanma'y magdurugo.

Di nagtagal at natutong umibig muli
Huminga ng malalim at nagbakasakali
Muling lumiwanag ang mundo pusoy nabuhay
Nangarap na sa nga ito na ang pinakahihintay

Ngunit sa gitna ng puso'y meron pa rin umaagos
Mula sa isang sugat, dugong hindi maubos

Unang sugat sa puso
Hatid ng pagtalikod sa pangako
Unang sugat sa puso
Dala ng pag-ibig na bigo
Unang sugat ng puso
Magpakailanma'y magdurugo. (2x)

Unang sugat ng puso
Dahil sayo'y nagdurugo.

...maybe.

2005-11-23T13:49:00.000-08:00

Spoke with a friend early this morning...she cried over the phone.

She always had this secret crush on her bestfriend but she never let him know. For years know she just admired him from afar, hoping somehow someday he would notice her in a different....more romantic way. Alas he never did though he kept her close to his heart. She was his bestfriend, his confidant, his shoulder to cry on. And she has been ever vigilant and responsible as such while secretly harboring this silent crush.

Today though it seemed like she's about ready to give up hoping that he would ever see her as anything more than a best friend, so she called to just let it all out. I felt for her, also I felt blessed enough for not being in the same predicament, though the situation is something not entirely unknown to me.

Till now i hear her cringing voice...and as if I were an empath, I could almost feel what she feels...here's a lil' something to let it all out.

Hope you feel better soon!

Maybe
-rey

Maybe it's time I stopped dreaming
Of the time you would ask me to stay,
Look me in the eye, ask me why
I just keep falling for you this way.

Maybe it's just not meant to be
Waking up with you right by my side,
Holding your hand each night and day
Feeling the warmth of your love inside

Maybe I should stop loving you
Though it grows deeper each passing day.
I should just stop hurting myself
Stop hoping your heart would look my way.

Maybe it's time that I moved on
Though I know I'll never be the same.
But know that even though I've gone
In my heart you will always remain.

I ramble on...then write a poem.

2005-09-30T12:47:00.000-07:00

Haha! Season 5 of Smallville has begun! Did anyone watch it? I did! Anyway I was fascinated by the way they presented Clark's discovery of the Fortress of Solitude. That is one part of the Smallville-Superman story that I have been eager to find out how they would put on film, and honestly, I'm not disappointed. One thing about the episode thoug...I believe there should have been 3 Kryptonians searching for Clark who were trapped in that trans-dimensional thingie. Well, maybe the third one is that guy who showed up in the end of the episode (Spike from Buffy.) Oh yeah, i liked the Lana & Clark scene at the hospital towards the end. How Clark indirectly asked Lana it she meant saying she loves her in the barn the day before and how Lana asked Clark back. And of course Clark answered with a kiss instead of words.

Pardon my rambling if it gets incoherent and if I got typos, the screen is currently minimized as my boss ir right behind me. Heheheh.

Of Love And Lust
-rey

Dusk conquers the land
As I watch your silhouette
And the splendor it adds
To the divine sunset.

A shadow of temptation
Triggering an insatiable craving.
Captivated, I am zombified
Body and soul starts raving.

I hold your hand
And feel its warmth.
Compliment it with a kiss,
Fueled by the pyres of my heart.

I wrap you in a warm embrace
And caress your every curve
Teasing your vulnerable spots
Alluring every nerve.

I bear you in a lovers’ carry
And lay you down in bed.
Tuck you inbetween the sheets
And leave a kiss on your forehead.

I slip right beside you
And cross your legs with mine.
I place my arms around you
I kiss your neck, we entwine.

Good night my dear, goodnight.
Blessed am I to see your face
Right before I end this day
Blessed am I to end it with you this way.

Good night my dear, good night.
I reach and turn off the lights.
Good night my dear good night.
Don’t hold your moans and sighs.

...soap operas are bad for you.

2005-08-23T13:40:00.000-07:00

...i've been watching too many episodes of American soap operas and now I'm haunted by the stories so much that this poem is well...soap-ish...LOL!

Torn
-rey

hE loved her.
She loved hIm.
He loved her.
She loved him.

He loves her,
She once was with him.
They stayed together.
Until fate's playful whim.

She found hIm.
hE loved her.
She loved hIm.
They stayed together.

Fate felt playful.
Played one more game.
Hurt them till they turned hateful.
Now nothing is the same.

She drowns in tears.
He fills with indignation.
hE boils with frustration.
A recipe for destruction.

With fires of passion
He calls her back.
She thinks not now, not yet.
He thinks, the stage is set.

With hunger for justice
hE calls her back.
She thinks not now, not yet.
Again, hE's heart-broken, upset.

A grand love triangle
Confused and passionate at every angle.
A bomb set to explode.
With the slightest bump on the road.

He asks her
What does hE have that i don't?
She bites her lip and says,
"A passion for loving me."

hE confronts her
What does He have that i don't?
With a heavy heart she answers
"Security, stability."

She hides her face
She doesnt want them to see.
What hE really has
Is her heart & soul entirely.

Or does hE?

If you know better, BE better.

2005-08-22T11:19:00.000-07:00

...to a friend who knew better, rest in peace.
...and to those who need a reminder, please be reminded and learn from his mistake.

Live For Tonight (‘Coz Tomorrow Never Comes)
(A tribute to a friend who knew better)
-rey

Begin the night
Head for the light.
Walk through the door
And raise 'em up high.
Conquer the floor
Glide and fly!

The night is young
So blast that song.
Go pump it up
Light that stick.
Sing to the top
And puff the nic!

Night hits its peak
G'nyt to the weak.
Keep moving to the groove
Time for shots and booze.
Go waste the noob
You puke you loose!

The ungodly hours
Time to boost pow'rs.
Take out the pipes
Pour out the powder.
Bring it to a new hype
Hit it and holler!

Dawn beckons
Sing the last song.
Last puffs, last shots.
Last taste of the rocks.
Drive home, see spots
Lights by the train tracks!

Oh fuck.

Sometimes I just get tired

2005-08-15T10:54:00.000-07:00

...sometimes i just get tired and stop... oh, and this is NOT for someone but for something, a principle maybe, or an idea, or an effort.....

I Live
-rey

I live.
I laugh.
I love.
Enough.

I live.
I sway.
I feel.
Betrayed.

I live.
I cry.
I try.
Deny.

I live.
I shy.
I quit.
Goodbye.

My Piece of Peace

2005-08-02T13:01:00.000-07:00

...tis funny what thoughts come to your mind when you stare out the window. the last time i stared i realized my piece of peace

My Piece of Peace
-rey

Absence of tension?
Freedom from pain?
Maybe the sunset on the horizon
Or simply getting out of the rain.

What is my piece of peace?
Where do I find it?
When do I indulge in it?
I know, I know when it comes by.
I know where it lies.

Its not the sunrise nor the sunset.
Nor the beauty of any sonnet.
It’s not in the absence of worries.
But I might find it in one lady’s kiss.

It’s not the relief of getting off work.
Neither the quiet of the library.
It’s not the song of the nightingale.
Nor the words of my favorite story.

My piece of peace is a marvel to behold.
With a smile that beams like the sun
A heart more precious than gold

My piece of peace lies where you are.
My piece of peace is in what you do.
Sharing life through stories till dark,
Exchanging laughs and sighs, even frustrations too.

I find it when I look at you
I find it when I hear your voice
I find it when I feel your presence
I feel it as I share your joys.

When you read in a corner,
When you study at a distance.
When you lie asleep by my side,
When we go out for a ride.

When I confide in you,
When you confide in me.
When we run errands for family,
Even when we act silly.

That’s where I find my smile.
That’s where I find my true self.
That’s where I am at ease.
That’s where I find my piece of peace.

3...2...1

2005-06-27T18:39:00.000-07:00

Three Quarters, Two Value Meals, One Important Lesson
-rey

Winter of 2002 all the way to spring of 2003 found me working and loafing around the campaign headquarters of one of the council members of the City of Los Angeles. Then, I was working as a database manager for his entire re-election campaign. As massive as the work load seemed to be it was not so hard to manage the database which had hundreds of thousands of voters’ info in it. I worked flex time and rarely worked for more than six hours a day, I had a very good salary too. Often, I'd be in and out of the office. Coming in whenever they needed me, then leaving again once I got bored doing nothing...or I'd be downloading anime and mp3s.

During the peak of the campaign period I usually came in at nine o'clock at night to attend the staff meeting, and then proceed to managing my databases, printing reports, running statistics and entering newly acquired data courtesy of the volunteers. All these would be done and over with usually by two in the morning. With that all done I lock the office and start walking the mile home. I had a good job, I had money, I had what many yuppies yearned to start off with, but I was not happy. Still this was not where I wanted to be. Still this was not my idea of a good life. Still this is not what I thought would bring a genuine smile to my face.

On the way home from the office, I have to cross a freeway off ramp where two bums always spend the night, and sometimes even the day, hoping to be able to get a handful of loose change from the cars that exit the freeway. One of them is Latino, the other, Caucasian. And as I pass by at night walking home I usually smile at them and bid them good night, and so do they. Probably once every two weeks when I have to report to the office early to troubleshoot or do some emergency statistics runs, I hand them my leftover breakfast from McDonalds. Often a whole breakfast sandwich and a large drink. But in my rush I don't even have the time to receive their thanks.

One morning, about two weeks before election day, I found myself walking home at exactly 10 in the morning. It was the first day I worked for 12 hours straight in my entire life. It was getting close to crunch time for our candidate and the data I process every night is oh-so-important to determine the next moves and pushes of the campaign. As I passed by the freeway off ramp I saw just one of duo, the Caucasian one. I smiled as always, gave him three quarters, and as a polite gesture bid him good morning and asked, "Where's your compadre?" To which his reply surprised me. He looked down at his feet, his smile was wiped off his face and his eyes glazed. I found myself in an awkward position and so to break the moment I blurted out, "Want to have breakfast man?" He looked me straight in the eyes, shocked but still misty eyed. Finally with a cringing voice he replied, "Sure. If it's alright with you." "Are you good for a quick meal at Mickey Dees?" I asked. He nodded. And so we started to walk towards the nearest McDonalds which was a couple of houses away from where I lived.

Once there I asked him, "So what will it be?" Again a look of surprise was painted on his face. "I'll just get what you don't finish." He said. "Are you kidding me? If you wait for that you won't get nothin' but empty wrappers, a fries box and an empty glass of soda! I haven't eaten for twelve hours dude, I'm freakin' starving!" He hesitated and finally decided he wanted a regular french fries. "Hey, I didn't drag you all the way here just for a small french fries. I asked you out to breakfast and therefore I'll treat you to breakfast, not just fries. Tell you what, I'll get you what I'm getting, a super sized Big Mac Meal aite? And I'll get you the 2 Cheeseburgers Meal to go for later." He stared at me with disbelief.

Once we had our food, I opted to sit outside. First of all because I didn't want his smell to offend the other people in the fast food and second I loved the morning spring breezes in Southern California. I was excited and longing to dig in. I opened the box of my Big Mac, prepared the ranch dressing for my fries, dipped a couple of fries and put them in my mouth. Then I felt embarrassed. Right in front of me was this dirty Caucasian bum, most likely 10 times hungrier than I was and he was praying. I stopped and waited for him to finish his prayer. When he started eating, only then did I continue. After a while he told me about his compadre. "He left a few days ago to head to downtown. He took the 84. Hasn't come back since. I'm worried. He drinks too much that he forgets. But I pray for him." A tear rolled down his cheek. "You pray for him?" I asked. "Yes I do. Everyday. Even more when he left and didn't come back." "Then he would be just fine wherever he is." I said. Still worried, he tried to crack a smile and nod. Then he asked me a question. "Why aren't you happy?" It was my turn to be shocked. I sat back on the chair. Looked at him inquisitively, trying to figure out what he's really trying to say.

Apparently he noticed my look and puzzlement so he explained. "I've seen you walk past by me at least once almost every night. You only have that smile when you see me and when you greet me. Before and after that you have nothing more than a blank face and eyes that scream 'Get me out of here!' Why is that?" I was dumbfounded and he waited eagerly for my reply. Finally I broke the silence with my reply. "The life I have right now is just not the life I dreamed nor envisioned nor planned for myself. I feel like I was uprooted. I had everything going as planned and suddenly...BOOM! Change of plans I had to emigrate here and start over. All my plans ruined, everything I worked so hard for put aside, even trashed. I'm glad I'm surviving, but I'm not happy with the way things are going."

"So you think happiness lies in the fulfillment of your plans? Of your desires?" He quickly asked. "No, no. Not just that...even this...what we're doing it makes me happy that I'm here and we get to talk and I get to help you about even if just for a day's meal. Y'know?" "That's it?!" He said is a sarcastic kind of manner. "Dude, if I thought of happiness the way you do, I won’t be surprised if I was flat in the center of that freeway and not on the sides of the off ramp."

I didn't quite get what he said right away, but he continued to explain before I could ask. "The key to happiness and contentment lies in you. It lies in your view of things, it depends on your outlook in life. Twenty years ago I was a lawyer with a name, a family, a house, cars and everything I wanted. I was not happy. One day things took a bad turn and I lost everything. Months later I found myself scouring the trash cans for food. But I learned to be content and grateful for whatever food I found in the trash. I learned to be content with whomever the company I had. I rejoiced with every moment I spent alive, with every new coat I found at the dumpster, with every penny I got from sticking my palms out at car windows. I indulge and I celebrate at the moment that I'm sharing with you right now, with the meal you have treated me to. And every time I could honestly say 'I've never been happier.' Happiness..., YOUR happiness depends on you."

I was blown away.

Saying my thoughts out loud once more....

2005-06-24T07:36:00.000-07:00

I look around and see...people. Family, friends, foes, co-workers, former classmates, strangers...people. Every once in a while i stop and focus on one person and to my pleasure (or disgust) I find myself processing, dissecting, self-explaining, critiquing and immersing myself in my insights, memoirs and what-ifs about the person i'm focusing on.

Sometimes that's a way for me to release stress. Sometimes that's me just being mean, or nice, or bored, or high. Sometimes that's just me with a big crush (or grudge.)

Out of every couple dozen of people i spend time thinking of there would sometimes be one or two who would stand out. Usually this is because the person has either triggered my biatch mode, made me so freaking curious about himself/herself, or has swept me away with a sea of inspiration.

*shift*

It's funny how one thing leads to another. One moment I'm staring blankly into the window, then i'm rattling my keyboard, then i'm blogging without knowing what to blog about so i type my mind away, then i find something to back up my blog with, then i ransack old files and find a poem that is related to my post. What next? Anyway here's a poem written a while back as I was spending time thinking of someone. I'm glad to say this time i was thinking NOT because she turned my biatch mode on, neither because of sheer curiosity but because of inspiration.

*shift*

Wonder when my first coherent blog post would be? Hah! That would be the day.

*shift*

Anyway here's the poem.

Maybe
-rey

Maybe it’s the way you look at me with inquisitive eyes.
Maybe it’s the way you listen to my stories, sobs and sighs.
Maybe it’s the way you stun me with your frankness.
Maybe it’s the way you irritate me with your stubborness.
Maybe it’s the way you smile when I offer you a massage.
Maybe it’s the way you react when I ask questions,
how you dive and dodge.
Maybe it’s the way you gave me a chance, all those fateful days.
Maybe it’s the way you believed in me despite hear-says.
Maybe it’s the way you push me, or the way you pull.
Maybe it’s how cute you are when you pretend to be a fool.
Maybe its your little quips and antics.
Maybe it’s your jokes, wether corny, slapstick or satiric.
Maybe it’s the way you fall asleep as we talk.
Maybe it’s the way you do your signature walk.
Maybe its your spirituality and your set of principles.
Maybe it’s the way you make fun of me, how you jeer and giggle.
Maybe it’s the way you love and treat your family.
Maybe it’s the way you love and accept me for me.
Maybe it’s the confidence you give me when you’re in my car.
Maybe…maybe it’s because you’re not afraid
to be exactly who you are.

DISCLAIMER: I shall not be held responsible for injury, illness, insanity or death due to the effects of reading, digesting and contemplating on the works and thoughts of my bored psyche which have been published on this site. Hehehe. Surf these pages at your own risk.

Old Friends, New Memories

2005-06-01T13:40:00.000-07:00

Finally I get a chance to post this up! It's been a while since these photos were taken and these events transpired but definitely still worth posting up and sharing.

Of all the places I could get reacquainted with old friends and batchmates from La Salle, I would have never expected to get to have a cig, a drink, a game of billiards and bowling, an all-nighter, a movie, nor a trip or two to the beach with them here in SoCal.

¤~¤~¤~¤~¤

De La Salle Lipa Batch 1998 in SoCal

Jhoane Katherine

Jhoane is a friend since freshman year in highschool in LaSalle.

Jhoane shares my passion for poetry and the arts. I still have the first poem she ever wrote me back during our sophomore year

After eight years of having no contact with each other we once again cross paths here in Glendale, California. She now resides just five minutes away in Eagle Rock.

Now, I have jogging buddy

Christine

Tin-tin has been around a year already. Currently she lives in Downey, California, a good 40 to 50 minutes drive south of Glendale. Kind of far but worth the drive.

Christine was a classmate of my bestfriend Francis Roy during our freshman year and such is how I got to know her. She's always been known as one of the head turners of the batch. Many times have the upper classes accused me and my friends of courting her when we were just good buddies. Oh well.

The few times I've actually got to just let go and have fun till the wee hours of the night here in Cali have been spent with her... yes, she knows how to party too.

Leslie

I've known Les since I was a freshman too as she was good friends with some of my classmates and old friends then. Currently she resides in Orange County.

After years, she still hasn't changed. Crazy and an all out party animal as usual...I can see now how much partying her lil' angel would be doing.

Jonathan

Atan has never changed since highschool. As Tin said, "Tamad pa rin." Hehehe. So far it seems he has been here for the longest time. He resides in Winnetka, a half hour drive from Glendale

Daniel

Neil is the one I've known the longest. I've known this guy since fourth grade in LaSalle. I've gone through a lot with this guy, from rivalries to alliances. From noontime games of "jerbase" to hunting robbers.

He currently stays at Mission Viejo, so far the furthest one from the lot of us here in the SoCal area.

¤~¤~¤~¤~¤

Snapshots (click on images for a bigger version)

Tin & Jho: Feeling pro beach volleyball players.
@ Venice Beach

Me & Jho: Tin got scared of the cold cplashes made by the waves...yan tuloy kami lang ni Jho ang nakapagpacute sa shot na to.
@ Vence Beach, photo by Tin

Tin: Argh! Traffic!
Rey: Hail Mary full of grace, help me find a parking space.
Jhoane: Zzzzzzzzzz...
In the car on the Pacific Coast Highway

Jho & Rey: Rub a dub dub here comes the grub!
@ Venice Beach

Tin: Can you hear me now?
@ Venice Beach

Presenting Jho, the bartender. Vodka, Peach Schnapps and Sprite.
@ Jho's crib

Rey: Ok let's try parallel parking.
Tin: Oh $#!+.....
In Downey, Tin gets some driving lessons.

Rey, Les, Tin & Jho @ The Block in Anaheim

Neil, Les, Tin & Jho @ The Block in Anaheim

Her Triad

2005-05-24T09:39:00.000-07:00

I was browsing through a book of poetry a few days ago when I came upon a poem by Arthur Gorges entitled Her Face, Her Tongue, Her Wytt. I liked the style and the form of the poem and so I adapted the style in which it was composed and came up with my own poem with the same structure and similar subject.

Here goes.

Her Triad
-rey

Her Grace

Her grace
Has blessed
This life
Of mine.

This life
Of mine,
Her grace
It owes.

Such grace
She bestows.
My life,
Unworthy.

My life,
With passion,
Appreciates
Such grace.

Blessed grace
That showers,
Oh fill
This life.

And this life
Be indebted
To thine grace
Forever.

Her Smile

Her smile
Does entice
These eyes
Of mine.

These eyes
Of mine,
Her smile
They seek.

Oh smile
That beams,
My eyes
Bedazzle.

My eyes
Persevere
To behold
Such smile.

Enchanting smile
That glows
Entrance
These eyes.

And these eyes
Shall treasure
Thy smile
As peace.

Her Psyche

Her psyche
Has stunned
This heart
Of mine

This heart
Of mine,
Her psyche
Enthralls.

Such psyche
Overwhelms.
My heart
Succumbs.

My heart
Captivated.
Zombified.
Such psyche!

Deep psyche,
Unfathomable,
Bend and own
This heart.

And this heart
Shall beat
With thy psyche,
As one.

Repost - Kiss' Because I'm A Girl

2005-05-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

This song and video is about a year or two old already, but still I can't help but watch the sad story and listen to the music. So here I am reposting this from an old xanga and blog of mine. Hope you enjoy it as much as I do, old though it may be.

Oh and please be patient, it might take a while to load. Also, this video should automatically play upon loading so there's no need to hit the play button to start it.

So here goes...Because I'm A Girl by Kiss.

Artist: KISS
Video: "Because I'm a Girl" Music Video
Album: KISS - 1st Album
Time: 8 min

Kiss - Because I'm a Girl Lyrics and Translation

Dodeche ar suga obso namjadurui maum
wonhar ten onjego da juni ije tonande
ironjog choumirago nonun thugbyorhadanun
gu marur midosso negen hengbogiosso

I just cant understand the hearts of men
they tell you they want you and then they leave you
this is the first time, you're special
I believed those words and I was so happy

marur haji guresso nega shirhojyoda go
nunchiga obnun nan nur bochegiman hesso
norur yoghamyonsodo manhi guriurgoya
sarangi jonbuin nanun yojainika

you should have told me you didn't like me any more
but I couldn't see that and you just rushed me
although I will curse you I'll still miss you
since I am a girl, to whom love is everything

modungor swibge da jumyon gumbang shirhjungnenunge
namjara durosso thollin mar gathjin anha
dashinun sogji anhuri maum mogo bojiman
todashi sarange munojinunge yoja ya

i heard that if you give up things too easily
to a man, he will get bored with you
i don't think this is wrong
a girl says that she will never be fooled again
but she will fall in love again

marur haji guresso nega shirhojyodago
nunchiga obnun nan nur boche giman hesso
norur yoghamyonsodo manhi guriurgoya
sarangi jonbuin nanun yojainika

you should have told me you didn't like me any more
but I couldn't see that and you just rushed me
although I will curse you I'll still miss you
since I am a girl, to whom love is everything

[narration]

Onur urin heojyosso budi hengbogharago
noboda johun sarammannagir barandago
nodo darun namjarang togathe nar saranghanda go marhanten onjego
sorjighi na nega jar doenungo shirho
naboda yepun yoja manna hengboghage jar sarmyon otohge
guroda nar jongmar ijoborimyon otohge
nan irohge himdunde himduro juggenunde
ajigdo nor nomu saranghanunde

[narration]

Hey babe
the pain it's not enough to describe how i feel
we were so happy together
but I know now I've been blind
you told me that you'd never let me down
whenever I needed you you'd always be here
I can forgive but I cant forget
even though you hurt me I still love you
I still love you

sarangur wihesoramyon modun da har su inun
yojaui chaghan bonnungur iyong hajinun marajwo
hanyojaro theona sarangbadgo sanunge
irohge himdurgo oryourjur mollasso

don't take advantage of a girl's willingness to do anything for love
and her caring instinct
i didn't know that to be born as a girl and to be loved was so hard
although i will curse you i'll still miss you
since i am a girl, to whom love is everything
although i will curse you i'll still miss you
since i am a girl, to whom love is everything

Catching Up

2005-05-13T06:22:00.000-07:00

Time to catch up!

It's been a while since I really "blogged", at least a year I believe. The last blog post I remember was still something I did for Tropang Buangz, which is long gone by now. Mostly I have just been using my blogspace as an online archive for my photos, prose and poetry. So, with the time I have now, which should be spent auditing and working, I have decided to "blog."

Hmmm...question now is...where do I begin?

April 30th - Malibu Retreat Center Hunting Day

A weekend I was so looking forward to after a week of corny, must-entertain jokes from sadist co-workers, hormonal bosses (two are pregnant) and everyday lunches of the same type of Hot Pockets (pepperoni) which never really filled me up.

So there we were, Clete by the driver's seat, moi (pronounced as moy per the RnR Dictionary 1st Edition) on the fron passenger seat, and at the back seat of Clete's truck where Rheza and Teresa (Clete's daughter). Teresa had quite a sour stomach that day, poor lil' angel.

The first scheduled stop is the Salvation Army's Camping Grounds but we missed it on the way to Malibu so we decided to check out the Serra Retreat Center First which was owned and run by the Franciscans. The view from the retreat center was B-E-A-Utiful! A garden complete with benches was situated atop a cliff which overlooked some hills on one side, Pepperdine University on the side as well, and up front was the beach! The retreat center also had a nice and simple but beautiful labyrinth made of rocks with the center, and end, of the labyrith being a cross. Perfect for a retreat session/reflection on life! Clete, Rhez and I unanimously decided to use this venue for one of the Core Team's retreats.

Here are some photos taken at Serra Retreat Center (click on photos to see larger versions)

A view of the cliff garden that overlooks the beach and the hills.

Rheza sitting by the cliff's edge.

The labyrinth.

After dropping by the gift shop we started to head back through the canyon trying to find the Salvation Army Camps. This time around we found the campsites. Teresa was still not feeling well and was left in the truck taking a nap while Clete, Rheza and i went around the two camp sites for a look-see. The place was huge and had complete facilities, conference rooms, mess halls, lodges and cabins, courts, swimming pools, campfire pits, wall climbing, a teepee, even frisbee golf! The works I tell you! Camp Gilmore, the smaller area, was the one we opted to rent out for one of the retreats.

Here are some snapshots from the campsites! (Click on images to see larger versions.)

Rhez with her freebie lemonade and Clete...swing swing!

Moi & Clete...this is THE life.

A stream that flows through the Salvation Army's campsites.

After Camp Gilmore all our stomachs started grumbling and we headed back down the canyon towards the freeway, but first, a quick stop at Mickey D's (ika nga ng pinoy...McDo.)

Rheza and Teresa went to confession courtesy of the "bothered" Fr. John Kyebasuuta (is it two "u"s or two "a"s?) After that and a quick chat with Clete & Rheza, which knocked some sense into me, `twas off to Borders Bookstore, one of the little Heaven's on Earth, to pick up Ralph, then homeward bound.

May 1st Teresa's First Communion

Teresa had her first communion during the LifeTeen Youth Mass at 5:30PM After which the teens got together with Clete, his family, and his wife's family to celebrate. Too bad Clete, Emeroy, I were not able to take pictures of Teresa actually having her first communion since we were all serving. But here is a group photo taken after mass and during cleanup!

Holy Family Youth Ministry...well a fraction of it.

At the back of Clete's truck.

Sushi Cravings

2005-05-06T14:11:00.000-07:00

...It's my lunch break and I'm craving sushi...so I'll write some haikus.
The connection? Go figure...

Bamboo

bending with the breeze
on an enchanting spring day --
humble bamboo sways.

Firefly

little dancing light
flickering by the river --
glow 'till forever.

Sleepyhead

slurring speech i hear
incoherent blabbering --
my dear sleepyhead.

A Baby Boy's Letter To His Parents

2005-04-29T09:33:00.000-07:00

...saw a few snapshots of aborted babies, remembered an old forwarded email i had but can't find it, so i rewrote it fro memory and added my own tak on it. here goes...

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

How are you doing? I hope and pray that you are both happy and healthy. As for me I'm having fun listening to Jesus' stories all day. You see, He never gets tired no matter how many times i ask him questions about his wonderful stories. I'm really having fun here in Heaven. I can't wait until we all get together again. Jesus said that hopefully soon we will all have a big reunion and if you and Daddy stay nice and good you will be invited to the reunion! I hope you make it, coz...well, i never got to see your faces and I have lots of things I'd like to say and do with both of you. And Jesus knows how much I wanted to meet you and be your son.

Mommy, Daddy, I hope you're not mad at me that I didn't make it. You see, I fought really hard. It was painful, so painful but I really tried my best to make it. I wanted to touch you, live with you and get to know you, but it was too powerful, too painful. I was in a dark but comfortable place, and I felt you Mommy all the time, even though I didn't see you, and I usually heard Daddy's voice too every once in a while. I was confused how I got there but I was just happy to know you were both nearby. Somehow I always felt connected to you both, and Mommy I always felt your presence so strong, we must have really had a good connection Mommy, too bad it didn't last.

Did you know Mommy that I usually felt sad when you were crying? Did you know that I cried with you too? Did you know that it hurt me when you were hurt and it made me happy when you were happy? Daddy, did you know I heard your voice too? I so wanted to see you too Daddy! When I felt my fingers and toes I became so happy because somehow I felt like the time I would see you was coming soon. I was so excited. I tried to sleep nd dream of us all together to while away the time so I don't get overly excited and because the wait was too much.

Sometimes Daddy, I hear you and Mommy yelling, then I felt mommy crying and it made me sad...I hope that right now you are both ok. Mommy, I hope you don't cry as much anymore...I would not want to know you're crying again. It reminds me of the day I left you. You were crying so much that day Mommy, and it made me sad. I worried so much about you both that day, how I wished I could have seen and touched you and made you feel better. That same day the most terrible thing happened. Someone, something came inside that dark place that I was in. It tried to grab me! I did my best to fight it off. But I couldn’t. I remember screaming and calling you for help Mommy. But it seemed you could not hear me. I tried to call you too Daddy but you seemed even farther away. It finally grabbed my arms and started crushing it. It hurt so bad I screamed even louder. But still neither one of you heard me. The pain was so intense but I tried my best to fight it. Then It took hold of my legs and did the same, cracking them little by little and tearing them off my body. How I worried about both of you, Mommy and Daddy, I hoped that thing did not get you too. I knew then that I was not going to make it. I felt myself getting weaker by the second. Though no matter how weak I felt the pain didn’t go away. I did my best to whisper to you Mommy that I love you and to you too Daddy, but I guess my voice was too weak for you to hear. Seconds later I just felt the hurting stop. Then I found myself here, with Jesus. I asked Him who He was and He told me not to worry and that he was my Big Brother. I asked Him if both of you were ok and He said that you were both fine, what a relief I felt! Then I asked Him what happened to me and He said, “Abortion. I’m sorry little brother, I know it hurt but it’s all over now.” I did not exactly understand but I guess that was the name of that evil thing. Please understand Mommy and Daddy that I really wanted to be your son, that I really fought hard even though it was too painful to bear, and most specially that I love you both so much.

I didn’t want to die Mommy. I didn’t want to leave you Daddy. I wanted to have fun with you and put smiles on your faces, make you proud. I wanted to hear your voices, I wanted to feel your love, I wanted to share my love with you as well. I wanted to play basketball and football and soccer and baseball. I wanted to be a doctor. But I guess all that is gone now, same with all my other dreams. I’m sorry really but I wasn’t strong enough to fight Abortion. I knew you were strong enough to fight it though, Mommy and Daddy, I believed in you and I knew that if only you were there, if only you heard my screams, I know you would have come to my rescue and stopped Abortion because you both have the power and the abilities to stop it for me. Alas, you were not able to hear me. But please don’t worry about me anymore, I have lots of friends here, millions of them are like me too, victims of that evil monster, Abortion. One of my friends here said that about 126,000 of the new friends of ours who arrived here in Heaven just yesterday were all victims of that same monster. I’m happy to have more new friends but I’m sad that they had to suffer the same fate I did. Mommy, Daddy, can you please tell everyone to find this monster and stop it?

Anyway, I pray for you everyday. I miss you both and I love you oh so much! Thanks for the fun times Mommy and Daddy, I’m really sorry I didn’t make it. And please do take care.

Hope to see you in the grand reunion! I’ll always be loving you.

Love,

Your Baby Boy

Can't Hold It In Any Longer

2005-04-23T16:59:00.000-07:00

Breaking The Silence
(Oh well...)
-=icewulf=-

Apalling.
Stories. Fantasies.
Fabrications. Fabrications.
Inconsistencies. Anomalies

Bothersome.
Insignificant. A pity.
Desperate maneuvers.
Nevertheless, prickly.

Creative.
Elaborate facade.
Vivid projections.
Pranks turned bad.

Deceitful.
Friend or foe?
Whispered "Yes."
Resounding "No."

Exemplary.
Multiple attacks.
Single foe.
Fortified barracks.

Failure.
The inevitable.
All against one.
Still unbeatable.

Gods' play.
Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.
Delusional idiots.
Brains missed and mixed.

Hungry.
For vengeance?
Played for fools again?
There was no such instance.

Ignoramus.
Fitting term.
Retrace your footsteps.
Before you blame, confirm.

Justice.
Hypocrites!
A word unbeknownst to your lot.
Let it go, just quit.

My Reply

2005-04-08T14:22:00.000-07:00

Last night, I finally got to reply to Him when he asked me for the third time in the past two weeks.

...And so He stared me right in the eyes, with a mischievous smile on His face. "That much huh?", said He. I felt my cheeks heat up as I blushed. I turned my gaze and looked down at my tightly clenched and cold hands and said, "Yeah, that much."

Paw-etry

2005-04-01T06:26:00.000-08:00

Many times have I actually experienced how God uses regular human beings like me, my friends, family and loved ones to inspire, to move and to keep in touch with me.

Sometimes though I get too blinded to see God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit and even Mary working with me through others or even through myself. Let me share though one recent event wherein I felt and saw the grace of the Blessed Mother. An event which rekindled the fire of the Spirit within me and awakened me and reminded me of a covenant I almost forgot about.

I Sat Beside Mary
-=icewulf=-

`Twas early in the afternoon.
The sun was bright and the sky was clear.
Pen and paper I held in my hands.
As I sat on the carpet by a wooden chair.
I had a short day at work
Yet I was tired nonetheless.
And I still had a full day ahead of me
But I did not care less.
For I sat beside Mary
Yes she sat next to me.

I had a storm of problems to think of.
I had bills that had to be paid.
Got issues that needed to be dealt with.
There were people to talk to and things to say.
I had an unkept room
Plus a ton of laundry.
I had an entire house to tidy
Yet I did not worry.
Because I sat beside Mary
Oh how blessed could I be?!

`Twas Good Friday and I was in dismay.
My Brother died that day.
The world was in tears
And all I could do was pray.
Darkness clouded my mind as I thought of His death.
My veins ran dry and my feet were cold and wet.
My guilt filled me up and my heart was heavy.
But I sat beside Mary
And she consoled me,
`He`ll be back this Sunday sweetie.`

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Pards, thanks for being the miracle.

...but I sat beside Mary and she changed me.

Bounty Of The Hunt

2005-03-30T12:12:00.000-08:00

Discerning Trust
-=icewulf=-

Trust. A simple word which essense has the power to change and shape lives, worlds and history. So powerful it is feared by many. So powerful it is only shared with a handful. So powerful it is more often just heard about than seen in actions.

I feared trust. I feared trusting and expecting. I feared sharing my trust with anyone. And I know many more who shared my sentiments regarding trust. I have met people who have gone through truckloads of pain and anguish, betrayal and suffering just because they attempted to trust.

Lately I have been finding myself deep in thought thinking about what it means to trust, why I always get disappointed whenever I trust and why others feel the same way I do.

I think I might have found the answers to my own questions.

For as long as I have learned to trust I only trusted two types of entities, God and man. And as far as I remember God has never failed me. However, the trust I have placed on my relationships with human beings has always been betrayed in one way or another, in ways big and small. With this realization I began to immerse myself in reflection even more.

So, I have come to this conclusion. We human beings are weak and imperfect. Hence the trust we can give and answer to as well as our trustworthiness is just as weak and as imperfect. God though is perfect, strong and divine. Therefore trust in Him is well founded. Such is why only God may validly claim never to betray us. We have neither the capability nor the strength to make and expect such claims of each other.

Therefore, during the times that I gave up on people for not living up to what I expected of them, of their promises, of having given their word of honor, was trust actually broken? Or, have I merely expected too much of another human being? And should I have also broken the person`s trust in me by leaving just because he/she did not keep his/her word?

Now I believe I know better. Had there been grave transgression such as criminal acts and severe maltreatment, exploitation and neglect to one`s social, physical, emotional and spiritual health - then I believe that without a doubt stepping away from this danger WITHOUT a gist of betrayal but instead with a feel of discretion and caution is a fitting reaction. However reasons such as rumors, feeling hurt, clashes of opinions, uncomfortable actions and feelings and other irksome but non-immoral human actions and behavior are totally different. Abandoning a friend for having been too insensitive is a misunderstanding of the spirit of trust, just the same as rejecting a religion or community because of an alleged injustice.

The trust we human beings possess is not supposed to be driven, manipulated nor controlled by our emotions but by will and by faith.

Trust is like love. It should be given without expecting anything in return. It is to be given `inspite of` and not `because of.`

Prowls On THe Net

2005-03-30T10:12:00.000-08:00

Your Love Style is AGAPE

You are a caring, kind, and selfless partner.
Unsurprisingly, your love style is the most rare.
You are willing to sacrfice your world for your sweetie.
Except it doesn't really feel like sacrifice to you.
For you, nothing feels better than giving to the one you love.

What`s Your Love Style?

Cancer - Your Love Profile

Your positive traits:

You're intuitive enough to know what's going wrong in a relationship early on

A total sweetheart - you're often the most caring person anyone knows

You are a generous and devoted parter to whoever you fall in love with

Your negative traits:

Insecurity - you tend to need a huge amount of comforting from your partner

You tend to be overly sensitive and easily hurt, which make loving you difficult

It's difficult to predict your moods. One minute you're up - the next you're down.

Your ideal partner:

Someone equally sensitive, who wants to take time to get to know you deeply

Dreams of an everlasting love - complete with marriage and a family

Loves to take care of you. Being a good cook and masseuse doesn't hurt!

Your dating style:

Slow. You enjoy dates that last all day, with plenty of time to talk and get to know one another.

Your seduction style:

Quite tender and loving, once you are comfortable in your relationship.

Coy. You tend to play it cool to drive your lover wild.

Orally talented - you're known as the best kisser in the zodiac.

Tips for the future:

Be a little less sensitive. Not every little mistake should hurt you.

Spend time away from your partner every so often - independence is a good thing.

Find ways to take care of yourself. You'll be happier if you put yourself first.

Best color to attract mate: Aqua

Best day for a date: Wednesday

Get your free love profile at Blogthings.

Frozen Frames

2005-03-24T10:55:00.000-08:00

Holy Week is here and so Holy Family`s LifeTeen Youth Ministry is back rehearsing for the Passion play which we do annually (during Good Friday). During last night`s practices we took a few snapshots and discovered some of the "unheard of" stations of the cross.

The Unheard Of Stations

The 3 1/2 Station
John Is Mugged By A Woman From Jerusalem

The 6 1/2 Station
Veronica Turns Emo-Punk

The 7 1/2 Station
Angel Teresa Appears By The Fridge

The 8 1/2 Station
Angel Teresa Consoles A Woman From Jerusalem

The 13 1/3 Station
Mary Fights A Woman From Jerusalem For The Body Of Jesus

The 13 2/3 Station
Mary Is Victorious

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Here are more photos from yesterday`s rehearsal:

Karen finds her costume a bit too big for her...

Rey, Sandie, Rheza & Noelle

Noelle, Sandie & Rey

Rey & Sandie

R&R (Rey & Rheza)

Bounty Of The Hunt

2005-03-24T09:21:00.000-08:00

Getting Back On Track
-=icewulf=-

It's Holy Week 2005 and what better time to retrace one`s footsteps, find one`s self and get back on track.

The past months have given me some of the worst days, situations and events. They are also responsible for my crossing paths with many people whom in some ways have hurt me and made my world go topsy turvy. BUT, these months also gave me some of the choicest blessings God had ever prepared for me.

It`s been a really long while. But had I been given the chance to go back and change anything, I'd keep it as it is.

Brothers and sisters, I'm back. Thank you for your prayers, thank you for waiting.

So if you`re all ready, gear up! Your "kuya" is back with the flames of the Spirit burning stronger, with an new cherubim watching over me (I miss you Recca) and with a tag team partner who`s one of the holiest and most gifted I`ve met. (Let's do this Rheza!)

I Embrace

2005-03-04T06:30:00.000-08:00

I Embrace
-rey

Not only the sunshine but also the rain,
Not only the light but also the shadows.
Not only the bliss but also the pain,
Not only the kisses but also the blows.

Not only the certain but also the doubtful,
Not only the rational but also the insanity.
Not only the calm but also the chaos,
Not only the freedom but also the decrees.

Not only the triumphs but also the failures,
Not only the angel but also the demon.
Not only the future but also the past and present,
Not only the acclaimed but also the forgone.

Paw-etry

2005-02-11T10:06:00.000-08:00

...to a very dear friend: i'm with you all the way.

Heads You Win, Tails I Lose
-=icewulf=-

Heads you win, tails I lose.
Nowhere out no matter what I choose.
I know the situation,
I know this predicament.
A scene all too familiar
Either path leads to discontent.

Yet still I tread, still i travel.
Awaiting what each dawn has to unravel.
I know it`s near impossible,
I know it`s hard and treacherous.
I know the risks involved
I know there's a big chance I'd lose.

But my vision is worth the risk.
I`m willing to run through darkness and mist.
For sure people will get hurt,
And I would be eaten by my conscience.
But for sure I will not let go,
No matter how much you test my patience.

Paw-etry

2005-02-06T19:45:00.000-08:00

...i thought i ran out of words, but i realized words nor actions just ain`t enough.

Indescribable You
-=icewulf=-

No words can express my gratitude,
No actions can reveal my true emotions.
You leave me in awe and admiration
With your great love and dedication.

No kiss can expose how much love I have,
No hug can declare how much longing I feel.
You turn my world upside down and inside out.
You`re the one I can`t do without.

No heart could be filled by the love you give,
No soul could contain the inspiration that you are.
A true divine power is what you wield.
A love so strong it ended my war.

No mind can fathom the depths of your soul,
No equation may solve what equals your heart.
All that I know is that I'm blessed with your loyalty,
And blessed with your love, ever since the start.

Paw-etry

2005-02-05T15:56:00.000-08:00

...yes I survive, but not by my own power... presenting the miracle that makes me survive...

Surviving
-=icewulf=-

I wake up each day with a smile on my face.
I face each day with love in my heart.
I take pride in my heart for it`s found solace
Within your bosom. Bathed by the love you impart.

I go through each day with inspiration in my soul,
A spark in my mind and with my eyes all a-glow.
All thanks to you my day goes well.
Daily foes faced, daily storms quelled.

I rest my eyes at nightfall with glows still bright.
I rest my torso still filled with the will to fight.
I rest my being still alive and ready to take flight.
Thanks to you, the setting of the sun seems not like night.

I survive each passing day from daybreak till nightfall.
I survive each day with the greatest blessing of all.
I survive each day with you all around me.
I survive each day because you make me as amazing as I can be.

Paw-etry

2005-01-31T11:30:00.000-08:00

...something i wrote a few days ago...thank God the tears have stopped falling =)

Falling Tears
-=icewulf=-

Little droplets
Of love and pain
Why do you trickle?
Why do you rain?

Falling tears
Why do you descend?
Why flood my cheeks?
Is this the end?

Love is lost.
No time to cry.
Please not now.
Must find out why.

Falling tears
Please, not yet.
Got a war to win,
A prize to get.

Little droplets
Of love and pain
Why do you trickle?
Why do you rain?

...I'm glad at present i'm "not home" anymore.

Back Home
-=icewulf=-

The darkness and the shadows,
My home, my refuge.
I left once empowered by inspiration.
Yet I returned with my soul lost in oblivion.
I left again with my path lighted by hope.
And again I returned with wings bound by delusion`s rope.
I left once more driven by faith
And now I return with my heart on a plate.

No matter how far I go,
No matter how hard I try,
No matter how fast I run,
Always, I come back and cry.

Eternal darkness must I embrace
For in the shadows is my place.
Forever lost shall I be
Till she comes back, loving me.

...i hope you don't but if you do, here's what i`ll say

I`ll Say
-=icewulf=-

You can ignore me,
You can set me aside.
Hide from me,
Make me search far and wide.

And after a tiresome search,
When I finally find you,
I`ll just say....
`I missed you.`

You can treat me like dirt,
Make every bone in me hurt.
Make me lower than low,
Douse my fire till nothing glows.

Then when you go through your trials
And find yourself alone in an isle.
I`ll stretch my broken arm and say....
`Let me help you.`

You can make me hope for naught,
And then leave me in distraught.
Make me believe in a promise,
Then leave me just before bliss.

But when you find yourself in disillusion,
Clouded by lies and thrown into confusion.
I`ll come and whisper in your ear....
`Fear not. I am here.`

You can treat me with disrespect.
Insult my being, heart, soul and intellect.
Cast me out of your life,
And clad my future with strife.

But when you`re at your lowest,
Rejected even by friends and family,
I`ll hug you tight and when you ask why I`ll say....
`I love you silly.`

Random Howl

2005-01-27T13:11:00.000-08:00

Let Me
-=icewulf=-

Let me be your sword,
Let me be your shield.
Let me be the powers that you wield.

Let me be your smile,
Let me be your tears.
Let me be the one who takes away your fears.

Let me be your pillar,
Let me be your light.
Let me be your guide through the darkest night.

Let me be your voice,
Let me be your song.
Let me be the tune to which you sing along.

Let me be your dream tonight,
Let me be your charming knight.
Let me protect your soul of ivory white.

Let me be your morning rays,
Let me be your happy days.
Let me be the one who stays.

Random Howl

2005-01-26T07:39:00.000-08:00

...goodnight!

Sleep Tight My Baby
-=icewulf=-

Sleep tight my baby, shed not a tear.
Tonight I`ll hold you tight and hold you near.
Sleep tight my baby, you need not fear.
Your Bitch will be watchin` so boogeyman stays clear.

Sleep tight my baby with a smile on your face.
I`d be right beside you watching over this place.
Sleep tight my baby with a smile in your heart.
Tonight, love and security to you I impart.

Sleep tight my baby, do sleep well.
For tonight I watch over you, your guardian angel.

Paw-etry

2005-01-17T16:14:00.000-08:00

...fears, everyone has them...

I Fear
-=icewulf=-

Fear.
Four letters, one word.
Able to shed a simple tear.
Or strew discord.

Fear.
It grants and takes power.
I have my own shares of it
Which I'm cursed to shed and reap forever.

I fear my rage.
I fear the abyss of my subliminal self.
I fear the demons within me.
I fear the pandemonium I can so willingly set free.

I fear the voices in my head.
I fear my eternally tormented soul.
I fear the wrath of my inner whelp.
I fear myself.

I fear an empty future.
I fear an eternity of solitude.
I fear having no one beside me.
I fear being the lone wolf for an eternity.

I fear having no one to turn to.
I fear losing my grip on your heart.
I fear the day you`d say adieu.
I fear losing you.

Rage of the Wulf

2005-01-16T08:30:00.000-08:00

...i hope you all get to read this and let it seep in really deep and understand it really well. I've had enough. It's your call.

Bring Me Down
-=icewulf=-

Silence.
They stir an angry mob but remain in silence.
Ah.
Another masterplan designed for their convenience.

Kudos.
I applaud you for your efforts.
Alas.
I look down upon you and your `skills` of sorts.

Motive.
What is it you seek?
Retribution.
Retribution for the meek?

Prophets.
False prophets you have become.
Pathetic.
What makes you think I`m what you are, caged and lonesome.

Delusions.
Still shooting at the stars?
Pitiful.
You will only end up counting your scars.

Remember,
I ignore your lashing and backstabbing.
However,
Every word you have sowed I`ve been noting.

Chaos.
I want it not, but don`t take me wrong.
Bedlam.
It`s what I`m known for. My song.

Secrets.
Ah, you can try and keep them.
Wisdom.
That`s my weapon of choice `till I sing your requiem.

Hide.
Disguise yourselves, you`re getting good at it.
Seek.
I need not seek. I see right through your feat.

Run.
If you`re smart enough you should know.
Fate.
Your fates have sealed your lives accursed, I avow.

Finger.
Not a finger need I lift.
Smiter.
He shall take you down. He shall deliver my gift.

Farewell.
Maybe this is farewell, once friends.
See.
Let`s see what happens when I`m done and all this ends.

Paw-etry

2005-01-09T01:36:00.000-08:00

...to the bastard from the bitch. :)

Terms of Endearment
-=icewulf=-

Bitch!
Bastard!
Oh my,
For the love of God!

Bitch! You didn't listen!
I told you not to make me fall!
You are my bestfriend,
Can't believe you did this to me at all!

Bastard! I never promised!
And that's because I knew.
I was already falling.
Don't tell me you didn't notice it too?!

Bitch! Now I'm in love!
See what you've done?!
I'm supposed to be a cynic!
Not someone else's "hun! "

Bastard! Well so am I!
Head over heels as a matter of fact!
And I was supposed to be cold,
Not quick to react!

Bitch!
Bastard!
I love you, take care of my heart, PLEASE.
I love you too, I PROMISE, now gimme a kiss.

Paw-etry

2005-01-08T23:52:00.000-08:00

...di inaasahan...NGUNIT...

Ngunit
-=icewulf=-

Minsan ay di inaasahang nakita,
At siya ay aking naaalala.
Minsan ay saglit ko siyang nakausap,
At siya ay aking hinanap-hanap.
Minsan siya`y aking napapanaginipan,
At muling nakita ngiti niyang ginintuan.
Minsan ay pinalaso ako ni kupido,
Ngunit bago pa man ay nahulog na ang aking puso.

Paw-etry

2005-01-07T20:22:00.000-08:00

...at least we know what's REALLY going on.

Kasi Naman
-=icewulf=-

Kasi naman ang daming nakikidawdaw.
Kasi naman di naman alam ang nasasaklaw.
Kasi naman di na diretsohin.
Kasi naman hindi baga kausapin.
Kasi naman di alam ang nangyayari.
Kasi naman ang daming "nagmamayari."

Kasi naman hayaan na lang.
Kasi naman di pagbigyan, pagkatiwalaan.
Kasi naman di alam ang tunay na kalagayan.
kasi naman di alam ang tunay na kaganapan.
Kasi naman nakikiusap na.
Kasi naman ngayon lang, pagbigyan na.

Kasi naman nahulog ang loob.
Kasi naman nagbago nang totoo.
Kasi naman tunay na nagmamahal.
Kasi naman tunay na pinagtambal.

Paw-etry

2005-01-07T15:36:00.000-08:00

...my way of saying thanks to one amazing lady...i love you.

The New Me
-=icewulf=-

Harlem nights.
Prize for catfights.
Flirts galore.
Knocking on doors.

Guns, goons, gold.
Picturesque "bold".
The legend.
Scythe of the end.

That WAS me.
But now I see.
Alternatives.
Your love and bliss.

I have learned.
My back has turned.
Love expressed.
Demons suppressed.

No more lies.
No wails and cries.
Past is passed.
Now hold me fast.

A new vision.
Big decision.
I chose light.
I chose to fight.

I chose love.
Trust Him, above.
I go straight.
Carry my own weight.

Bye I say.
To my old ways.
Decision
A new reason.

I chose you.
Choose to be true.
The new me.
Thank you baby.

Paw-etry

2005-01-06T19:23:00.000-08:00

Overwhelmed
-=icewulf=-

I know I love you
And I know you love me too,
But you just blew me away..
What else could I say!

Thanks for the sincerity,
I felt it a lot
Thanks for the honesty,
I will forget it not!

How sweet of you to love me the way you do
I'm so blessed to be loved by someone so true.
Worry not I will be patient and flexible
I will do my best to be both sensitive and sensible.
I will love you every day as if tomorrow will never come
I will cherish you to the fullest...and then some!
Know how much I am grateful that you came into my life.
Know that I'm sincere when I say `I wish you`d be my wife.`

As for your concerns, be not afraid.
Your requests are heard and shall be done and made.
Worry not of my character, I shall be true.
Worry not of my thoughts, they're all about you.
When you need something of me, you need not ask..
I will have already thought of it and completed the task.
Service to you my queen is my utmost priority.
Just as well is your comfort, peace of mind and security.
To be understanding at all times is one of my goals.
To be there when you smile and when you cry,
To be your punching bag when you're in the coals.

Icewulf's Christmas 2004

2004-12-21T11:34:00.000-08:00

This poem is for all you ladies and gents who have been with me this past year. My thanks to all of you for putting up with me.

Icewulf's Christmas 2004
-=icewulf=-

The twelfth moon casts its shadow
The party has begun.
Around me lights start to flicker
And shine brightly as the sun!
Music fills my ears,
His Highness` birthday is close at hand.
I exclaim t the world
Oh joy to every man!

In the height of the celebration
I pull back to my corner.
And shed a little tear.
A tear for those I miss
And wish could be right here.

Soon I go back to celebrate
And beam my brightest smile
I thank His Highness for the blessings
For walking with me every mile!

As the music fades,
I turn to leave the celebration.
And retreat into His chapel

I feel his presence in the room
And shed one more tear as I pray alone.

"Your highness I shed this tear in thanksgiving
for a great gift worthy of all jubilation.
The gift of a friend I found in a person,
The one to whom I give this poem."

Paw-etry

2004-12-14T20:54:00.000-08:00

The spell is cast,
may it unfold.
Spread through the pages,
as it is told...

Circle open but unbroken...
power down into the ground.

Blessed be.

Agkistrodon Piscivorus Leucostoma

-=icewulf=-

Home on earth and home at sea.

Such a strong adversary.

Mouth so attractive, pure and fair

So concealing its venomous flair.

Sleek and slender. Sultry, seductive.

Quick to strike. Contentious, aggressive.

Approach it not, lest you seek your death

With Trapjaw slithering on your wreath.

C'est La Vie

2004-12-10T13:06:00.000-08:00

I watched Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind on DVD last night...gave me a few things to ponder on, reminded me of stuff, brought back memoirs and lead me to compose this piece after having thought of all those...

C'est La Vie

-rey

Up, down and around we go.
When we'll stop, nobody knows.
Illusions? Fantasy?
Cruel reality?
C'est la vie.
Such must be.

We burn, we douse.
Play cat and mouse.
We love, we hate.
Oh what a fate.
C'est la vie.
Such will be.

Heaven, earth, fire and ice.
Confusion in disguise.
A war only to be won
Should we choose to fight as one.
C'est la vie...
Oh...
C'est la vie.

Echoes Of A Full Moon

2004-12-08T21:52:00.000-08:00

Bes emailed me 2 days ago, told me a story, struck me, reminded me of bittersweet memoirs, and then I said:

"I'd rather love with all I have and be hurt by love than never to have loved at all and keep wondering...'What if?'". -icewulf

Bes, I've been there, done that, learned my lesson but did it again anyway. That's love. C'est la vie.

Y'know where to find me....in "there". Love yah!

One more thing...Animo LaSalle!

Paw-etry

2004-12-05T16:11:00.000-08:00

Sail Of The New Cycle
(Getting rid of the tattered canvas it sets sail once more.)
-=icewulf=-

As the wind of destiny sets forth its course
No sail dares to go against its bearing.
Gentle breeze or strong gale
Each wind catcher succumbing.
Lo and behold now cometh a new sail!
Aggressive and stubborn to yield to the gale
Fighting its way towards its own destination.
Aiming to challenge destiny and bellow its own call.
Young and strong stands one brave soul.

My Little Cherub
(Happy fourth birthday!)
-=icewulf=-

Neophyte to the world of reality
Outcast still to the realms of darkness.
Enchanted with the smile to bring forth smiles,
Love and gentleness so pure and blameless.
Life at its best, beauty raw,
Entrancing cherub of innocence divine.
Angel immaculate, angel radiant
Now spread your wings and share your smile.
Now spread your wings and stay with me for a while.

Forever Bruised

2004-12-04T17:45:00.001-08:00

Forever Bruised

-rey

Infatuation.

Love's sweet prelude.

Invisible hands that touch the heart

Such a blissful start.

Falling.

Metamorphosis to Nirvana.

Death to wisdom's cries.

Blnding light to earthly lies.

Love.

Sometimes you win.

Sometimes you lose.

Sometimes you get cheated.

And are forever bruised.

Rejection.

Words you'd rather not hear.

Reality in life you fear.

Source of your fallen tear.

Withdrawal.

Back to the drawing board

Regroup and plan anew

Time for the coffee that you brewed.

Love.
Sometimes you win.
Sometimes you lose.
Sometimes you get cheated.
And are forever bruised.

Respect.

Swallow your pride.

Hear her decision.

Follow the execution.

Caution.

Not too much not to less

Heed the voices in your head

Beware the road you choose to tread.

Love.
Sometimes you win.
Sometimes you lose.
Sometimes you get cheated.
And are forever bruised.

Betrayal.

Dagger in your back.

And you question why.

Blood and tears from the sky.

Struggle.

Twist and turn.

Can't break free.

Haunted by the memory.

Love.
Sometimes you win.
Sometimes you lose.
Sometimes you get cheated.
And are forever bruised.

Promises.

Sought and heard.

Loveliest words spoken.

Worst codes to be broken

Pain.

It's what remains.

Future gone and faded.

Scars turn you jaded.

Love.
Sometimes you win.
Sometimes you lose.
Sometimes you get cheated.
And are forever bruised.

Realization.

The awful truth.

Hide and run.

Love will haunt you.

Love will get you.

Love.

Sometimes you win.

Sometimes you lose.

Sometimes you get cheated.

And are forever bruised.

Sometimes you get cheated.
And are forever bruised.

Echoes Of A Full Moon

2004-12-01T11:33:00.000-08:00

"Why be like someone when you can be better?"

- icewulf

The thought just crossed my mind after having read a thought of some creature who believes that others try to be like him. Hence this quote goes to those who desperately try to be like someone. Before you aim your thoughts in that direction, think. You know you can be better.

"The best person to be is yourself. Why?
Because that's the best person you can ever be."

- icewulf

Waiting

2004-11-28T21:06:00.000-08:00

Waiting

-rey

She is nibbling on her nails again. I wonder what it is this time. Hmmm. I checked my watch, two in the morning, she is still dressed in her party clothes but she has been home since midnight. I checked my alarm clock, a minute past two in the morning, yup, it is two. She is definitely waiting for something. She is not a nocturnal creature like I am. I'm sure something is up. She lays on her bed right beside mine, gets under the sheets, then out of them and then back in. She twists and turns once, twice, three times. I stare at her eyes, i see a mix of anxiety, worry and anger, but no tears. Still not a pretty sight.

An hour passes, she tries to reach for the phone, then stops short of reaching it. She looks at me then covers her face with her blanket.

Another hour passes, she checks her watch and grunts.

Five in the morning, I find myself still watching her as she waits for something. Exactly three minutes past the hour, the phone rings. She frantically sweeps the phone off its cradle. "Hello? Hello?!" she says hysterically. "How dare you?! Of all people!" She begins. A series of near screams, high pitched tones and near tears outbursts came forth. And after seven minutes and 24 seconds later she hungs up slowly and gently.

Then she looks at me, her beautiful green eyes made even clearer by the tears waiting to fall. "Sorry about that Rey. Good night and good morning." She takes off her clothes leaving just her favorite pink and blue striped panties on and she heads back under the sheets. I reset my alarm for nine in the morning. "Good night and good morning to you too." Then I turned to face the window and prepared to go back to sleep.

A minute later she crept under my sheets and hugged me. "Rey, was that all I was waiting for?" Her voice clearly starting to break again, and tears ready to fall. "No, please do not answer that question." She said even before I could utter a word. "Hold me." I did, and we drifted off to sleep.

Bee's Eye View

2004-11-23T21:49:00.000-08:00

**click on the images for a better view**

Bee's Eye View
photos by rey

**click on the images for a better view**

Looking Up at Brand Boulevard

2004-11-16T11:45:00.000-08:00

**click on the images to get a better view**

Looking Up At Brand Boulevard
photos by rey

**click on the images to get a better view**

Pawetry

2004-11-13T19:03:00.000-08:00

Bruised
-=icewulf=-

Beaten up but not bedridden.
Roughed up but not grazed.
Used up but not forsaken.
Ill but barely dazed.
Slave to the pain embraced.
Entranced by the blue-black & purple shade.
Driven by marks of power that fade.

Autumn Metamorphosis

2004-11-12T11:12:00.000-08:00

Autumn Metamorphosis

Bounty Of The Hunt

2004-11-11T10:19:00.000-08:00

Pinamatnugutan na salin

Credit Cards at Pag-ibig
(Bahagi ng aking puna sa kuro-kuro ni jobarclix)
-=icewulf=-

Credit cards? Buwisit yan parekoy. Kahit dito sa 'Tate mahirap mag-apply sa mga matitinong kumpanya na nagbebenta ng ganyang serbisyo. Ngunit minsan may mga kumpanya rin kung saan napakadali mag-apply ng credit card, kaya lang pagdating ng credit card mo may bill na itong kasama at halos $175.00 na agad ang sinisingil. Bakit? Annual fee, monthly fee, sign up fee, insurance fee, at kung anu-ano pang eklatush. Di ka pa umuutang sa credit card mo may utang ka na...ang gulo.

Dun naman sa mga matitino nga na credit cards, pahirapan naman bago ka nila aprubahan. Tulad din diyan, kelangan may mga bills ka na maipe-presenta, may credit history ka dapat na maayos at matino. Tanong, "Paano ba magkaroon ng maayos na credit history?" Sagot, "Kelangan mo ng bills, mga on time payments sa loans, credit cards, etcetera." Ayun. Umikot nanaman ang usapan. Yun na nga ang ginagawa mo eh! Ika nga ng isa kong kaibigan, "Fuck the heck?"

Pag-ibig kamo pare? Oo, parang credit card yan. Tingan mo ha, mahirap apply-an, mahirap i-maintain, mahirap bayaran, nakakalunod sa utang, mataas ang interest, ang bilis maningil, pero enjoy gamitin, masarap ipagmalaki, pang-build up ng credit rating!

At kung madali makuha ang pag-ibig eh napakaposible na may "catch" din ito tulad ng mag credit card na madaling apply-an. Mataas ang interest, ginagamit ka lang, inuubos lang ang pera mo, nilulunod ka lang sa utang, pinaaasa ka lang na magiging maayos ang lahat kasi may "credit card" ka na.

O, diba? Credit card at pag-ibig magkahawig talaga!

Pawetry

2004-11-10T06:02:00.000-08:00

Icewulf's Reply To Athena Of The North Star
-=icewulf=-

Dearest i beg to oppose.
Brokeness is not all he left you i suppose.
He left you, yes, that may be a painful fact.
But he gave you a chance to put your life back on track.

He left you chances.
He left you opportunities.
Don`t let these go to waste,
I know you have great capabilities.

Where to begin you ask?
Take off that mask!
Head high, be proud.
Your sun shines again after the passing of a cloud.

Should you need help,
Here I will be.
Waiting and watching
Well..you know me!

Howls On A Blue Moon

2004-11-08T22:10:00.000-08:00

Massive's Darkside
-=icewulf=-

Here's what boredom, photoshop, pictures and coffee do to me.

Click the image for the full & detailed view!!!

Random Howl

2004-11-07T14:59:00.000-08:00

29 Care Bears and counting!

I got new ones again!!! Thank God for Hot Topic and for gift cards!

sitting on top of boxes: Laugh-a-lot Bear, Wish Bear (fluffy lil' bear version), Cozy Heart Penguin, Playful Heart Monkey, Lotsa Heart Elephant, Brave Heart Lion, Bright Heart Raccoon, Take Care Bear & Daydream Bear.

top row of boxes: Cheer Bear, True Heart Bear, Do-Your-Best Bear, Funshine Bear, Share Bear & Friend Bear.

bottom row of boxes: Good Luck Bear, Harmony Bear, Love-a-lot Bear, Tenderheart Bear, BedtimeBear & Birthday Bear.

foreground (elevated) : Thanks-a-lot Bear
foreground (seated): Perfect Panda, Polite Panda, Loyal Heart Dog, Baby Tugs Bear, Grams Bear, Baby Hugs Bear & Proud Heart Cat.

The Sixth Pan de Sal

2004-11-03T09:11:00.000-08:00

The Sixth Pan De Sal

-=rey=-

Today started like any other regular Tuesday morning for Ian. He woke up at five in the morning, washed his face, brushed his teeth, got into his sweatsuit and started jogging to the nearby bakery with all his problems in mind. Upon getting to the bakery he noticed it was still unusually dark. Even though five in the morning is barely daylight, still five in the morning was a lot darker. He ignored the darkness and kept jogging. Jeepneys and tricycles headed for the market were all he saw on the streets. Quite a few actually.

After a ten minute jog he reached the bakery. He was absent-minded as the baker asked him what he wanted to buy that morning. He did not notice and he did not reply. The baker smiled and asked him a second time, `Sir, would you be having your regular?` Ian snapped out of his daydream state and replied, `Oh, my bad. Yes Mang Joey, the regular.` Ian`s `regular` was five pieces of pan de sal, of which two were a bit toasted and the other three were white and soft and two pieces of kabayan. All of these were to be placed in a plastic, not paper, bag. The baker prepared everything for him and handed him the plastic bag with his bread. As Ian paid the baker the baker asked, `What is with the long face and the absent-minded person in front of me?` Ian tried to crack a smile and replied, `Problems. Just wish I got rid of them. I`m tired of all these trials in my life, I`m tired of having to wait for the right time for anything!` The baker noticed his trembling voice as he spoke. The baker then replied, `Hold on a second, I have something for you.` He disappeared to the back of the bakery where the oven was and came back with one more pan de sal in his hand. `Here, have this, I believe this might help.` The puzzled Ian just looked on as the baker put it in his bag of bread.

Ian left the bakery and jogged farther away from home towards the direction of the park. He usually eats the bread he bought on his way to the park and while at the park watching other people go about their daily workouts. At the park, he worked out and when he was done, he retired to his favorite bench and began eating his still warm bread, saving his pan de sals for last. He was about to throw away the plastic bag when he remembered he had an extra pan de sal from the baker. He took the sixth pan de sal out and stared at it for a while, remembering the reason it was given to him. `What does Mang Joey think this pan de sal is? A lucky charm?` Ian muttered to himself.

As Ian was about to break the bread in two it jumped up and away from his hand and started to walk towards him! He did not know if he would bash the bread with whatever he could grab, scream in surprise or just faint at the experience of it.

`Calm down you sissy.` The bread spoke. `I am losing it!` Ian said in a very alarmed tone. `Sit down and listen up! If you are losing it then just sit down and listen to this talking pan de sal. If you are not then just enjoy this once in a million lifetimes experience. And let me tell you a story, my story.` Suggested the bread. `Uh, ok I guess.` He replied in a nervous tone. And so the bread continued, `You know I was not always like this, a peice of bread, a pan de sal. I used to be wheat planted in the farm of that old baker, Mang Joey. One day he decided to harvest me, and I was not pleased! He took me away from my home in the farmlands! But all he said was, `Do not worry, I have something good planned for you.` So I just obeyed. The next thing I knew I was being milled! Yowch! I was grinded, pounded, over and over inside his mill by the barn. And you know what? It freaking hurt! I did not want any of that! Was that Mang Joey had in mind when he said he had a `good plan`?! Mang Joey just smiled and whispered to me, `Patience. Do not worry I got you.` And so I did. Soon enough I was all white and I was flour. I sneezed everytime I smelled myself, I was all over the place too! Then all of a sudden that baker started wetting me and mixing all these other stuff with me! I was soooooo pissed! Why did he have to mix those things into me? Why did he have to make me dizzy with all that mixing and blending? All he did was smile and say `Stay with me, do not stop, keep mixing, persevere. You are almost there.` And so I did. When all that was done I felt so relieved. Well that was until he started to knead me. At first it was pleasing just like a massage, but then he started beating me around and he started using this one heck of a rolling pin on me! I`ve gone through a lot already and now he starts to beat me? What the heck is wrong with this guy?! Then he smiled, again, and said, `Endure, you can take this, I know you, I am the one who made you into dough.` So I did, but it was hard. Finally he left me for a while and let me settle. Everything ached in me! And just when I was starting to feel better guess what, he shoved me into the oven! After all I did, after following his every word and doing all he told me to do he wanted me to burn! I banged the oven doors begging him to get me out. And AGAIN he just smiled and said, `Have faith in me, I woould not let my masterpiece go to waste. Remember I have something good planned for you.` And so I sat in the hot oven. After what seemed like forever and a day he took me out. I was ok! I was not burned! And daaaaaayyyyym did I smell great and taste great! I asked my baker, `What am I?` He smiled and answered, `Exactly what I planned you to be, something good, very good. You are bread and now instead of just staying in the fields all day you are a masterpiece, my masterpiece.` I just stared at him in awe at what he made me into.`

`Wow, what a story.` Commented Ian. `Did he ever explain to you what all your suffering and pain was for?` he asked further. `Oh yes he did.` Replied the sixth pan de sal. `He explained everything, he told me that he had to take me from my roots and from my home so I can grow into something even more somewhere else. He told me he had to mill me so I can be flour, the main ingredient for his masterpice, he wanted me to be the star of it all. He mixed and blended me because he wanted me to share what I had with the other ingredients and to show me that I could not become the beautiful bread that I am now if not for the help of the other ingredients. He had to pound and knead me painful as it was for me to gain texture, for air to enter the mix and so that I would rise and be puffy as bread. Finally he had to bake me in the oven so that the finished product may be made, to give me the ultimate metamorphosis, to make me burn and sweat away what I do not need and to make me truly bond with everything in me. Like he said. He had something good planned for me.` Ian could only stare at the sixth pan de sal as realization after realization flooded his thoughts.

Again the bread broke the silence, `So whatcha waiting for? Eat me!` Lost in thoughts Ian ate the bread and started walking home. As he passed by the bakery on his way back he noticed something strange, the bakery was closed, a note on the outside read: `As of July 13, 1988, Monday, Mang Joey`s Bakery has moved to 112 Gen. Miguel Malvar Street.` This location was closed since yesterday. Ian could not believe his eyes. He checked the date on his watch today was July 14th. Something else caught his eye, it was not anywhere near five in the morning yet it was only three.

Pawetry

2004-10-31T13:53:00.000-08:00

Night Of The Underworld
-=icewulf=-

Ebony of night blankets the horizon
As now begins the Underworld`s night of fun.

At Hades` command the gates burst open
And his acolytes lead their legions of heathen.

Thanatos` minions are out for blood
And are coming forth in one big flood.

Hypnos` disciples awaken at his beckon
To put to mortals to sleep, and make them pawns.

Charon`s ferry, fresh from the Styx
Unloads its voyagers all dead and sick.

Cerberus is unleashed, the hound of doom
Waking with its howl, creatures of the tomb.

Try if thou may, resistance is futile.
If they don`t get thee now, just wait a while.

Twist and tremble, scream and shriek
No matter what thou try thou art too weak.

Not a soul is safe, no mortal secure.
By the strike of midnight, gone is the future.

Pawetry

2004-10-30T09:27:00.000-07:00

All Hallow`s Eve
-=icewulf=-

As dusk conquers with crimson skies
An eerie silence sweeps the land.
Chilling winds blow like demon sighs.
All Hallow`s Eve is close at hand.

Seconds pass and mist blankets all.
Streetlights flicker and start to blur.
Shadows multiply, stretch and crawl.
Smell the scents of incense and myrrh.

Hear the echoes of a wolf`s howl,
See the full moon glare from the sky.
Hear the hooting of the horned owl,
See the cloud of bats dive and fly.

Tick tock tick. A few more seconds.
Streets empty in a flash, doors shut.
One more time the wolf`s howl beckons.
Soon airs a scent putrid and foul.

Now the old clock tower strikes twelve.
Its sound sending chills down your spine.
All Hallow`s Eve has now begun,
Try to flee, there`s nowhere to run.

Paradise Found

2004-10-29T09:32:00.000-07:00

Paradise Found-rey

Serenity.
A haven uncovered.
Calm meets tranquility.
Peace rediscovered.

Harmony.
Earth meets heaven.
Unity in diversity.
An experience unbeholden.

Beauty.
Color, fragrance & music all around.
Masterpiece of divine creativity.
Paradise found.

Bounty of the Hunt

2004-10-27T07:24:00.000-07:00

Master?
-=icewulf=-

Master, a title of which the only worthy beholder is He who is, was and always will be.

Why? To be master is to be in complete control, to know through and through. Alas, everything within perception of the senses, everything real and imaginary, everything conceivable, are brought about by the mind, spirit and heart. Three separate but coexisting driving forces which compose us, and creation. Forces way beyond our comprehension.

How thus can anyone be master? Lest anyone be able to understand, manipulate, conquer and control all three, the heart, the mind and the soul, only then might anyone be called master over one thing, many things, anything or everything.

For now, all anyone can do is, at most, tame.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Halloween is just around the corner...still need to get myself a costume for the office dress up day this Friday, I also want to dress up for Halloween....I wonder what I'll do this year...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I added a wolf howl as background music for the halloween week, will also be posting some Halloween inspired poetry.

Blue

2004-10-22T05:27:00.000-07:00

Blue
-rey

Blue.
Broken in two.
Joy overdue.
Sadness in lieu.

Blue.
What to do?
Can`t rely on the crew.
Pity on you.

Blue.
The answer is Blue.
Try it with a diff`rent hue.
Be true. Grab a Blue.

Morning Sun

2004-10-20T15:15:00.000-07:00

Morning Sun-rey

seeking warm embrace
turn to the sun, seek its face--
bathe in morning rays.

Bodyshots

2004-10-18T10:04:00.000-07:00

Bodyshots
-rey

cold winter morn
add tequila, lemon, salt--
bodyshots galore.

City Sentinel

2004-10-14T22:44:00.000-07:00

City Sentinel
-rey

Shadows cast,
Breeze turns cold.
Creatures head home
Back to the fold.

Yet you remain
Loyal to your vigil.
Empowered and driven
Buy unyielding will.

Your shift is over
Step down the parapet.
At ease sentinel
Embrace the sunset.

The Post

2004-10-14T05:55:00.000-07:00

The Post
-=rey=-

alone in the dark
keeping vigil, standing still--
faithful to its mark

Five Haikus

2004-10-10T13:42:00.000-07:00

Maple Red
-=icewulf=-

maple leaves turn red--
reminders of what were wounds
of a heart that bled

New Alpha
-=icewulf=-

a wolf cub no more--
with the coming of the spring
be a pack`s new core

Snow in the Sahara
-=icewulf=-

fall gentle snowflake
indulge this piece of dry land--
Sahara snowfall

Fall Thunderstorm
-=icewulf=-

winds of fall so cold
clouds gather and lightning strikes--
a view to behold

Shoot for the Moon
-=icewulf=-

some people say yes--
some look at the misty moon
and shoot for a guess

**generally haikus dont have titles..I just wanted to give titles to these ones.

Four Seasons

2004-10-08T14:21:00.000-07:00

Four Seasons

(Four haikus tell the tales of a broken heart)

-=icewulf=-

winter

cold as the fresh snow

unyielding to any call--

hibernating heart

spring

try the new wolfhound

bloom like all the daffodils--

heart on the rebound

summer

the heat of passion

flares on the beaches of hope--

heart on a mission

fall

alas winds blow hard

sweeping rediscovered love--

heart broken apart

Pawetry

2004-10-07T15:28:00.000-07:00

Echoes Of The Violin
-=icewulf=-

Thoughts of the artist.
Heaves of lonely sprites.

Earth, plant, beast and mist
Beseech thee every night.

Rivers of tears calmed
Instantly as you sing.

Death cast out and shunned
Eased out the pains of sin.

From the Den Archives - February 2001

2004-10-05T16:44:00.000-07:00

Originally published in

LAVOXA Footprints

Literary Folio

Vol V No. 1

Nessie

-=icewulf=-

Nessie has always been one of the few persons I fully trusted and looked up to. She was at first, just an ordinary friend, a fellow staffer who became my bestfriend..and then more. With all the times I've spent with her I have learned to observe her simple ways and pinpoint the littlelest and simplest but oh-so-cute things she loves to do, think or say. Let me give you my top ten, all-time favorites.

1. She has that kind of killer smile which not only takes your breath away but also drives you crazy..crazy thinking about what the heck is gong on in her head! Almost always would you find her brandishing that signature smile. However, the reason why she smiles is something else. You can try choosing from a myriad of possibilities. Yes, she smiles that much.

2. She could be a real sweet-talker, a hyperactive yakker, or one of the silent leave-me-in-my-corner types. She could talk herself into and out of almost anything. With her gift of tongue she could get almost anything she wishes, (talk about abusing powers.) When her lips move she could kill you with her machinegun fast talking, (and I am her favorite victim), or she may choose to shut them and deafen you with a booming silence. (Unfortunately, I seldom experience this.)

3. Superior intellect, killer looks, awe inspiring character and don't forget the fats! (Now I am dead!) Name it, she has got it. From wits way above average to looks that kill (literally and figuratively..ok now I am really digging my grave.)From being a prankster, mischievous she-devil to becoming a child-inspiring angel, that is all her. Truly quite hard to believe such exists. But seeing is believing. I saw. I believed.

4. She has that really cute way of promouncing words which require one to emphasize on the "esssss"..ermmm..i meant "s" *chuckle*. She usually gets her tongue stuck somewhere in her mouth but I find it cute that way.

5. Green, green, gren!If it is green, it is sure to get her attention. Whether its a notebook or a slimy frog she will grab it. (It happens on impulse.) Sometimes she will even ask for it..(luckily I have no green underwear..if only you knew how she grabs green things..ouch!)

6. Her perfume..errr..cologne, (she always corrects me on that note.), is her trademark, territorry and where-I-have-been marker. Once you have locked on to her scent, foloow it. Soon enough you would bump into her.

7. This lady loves to sing! And she sings often..too darn often. But it is not the singing that i find cute, it is that unique "touch" she puts into her singing. That sssshivvverrring note. (Beware: Shivering notes may hypnotize.)

8. Her lips twisted into a pout, teary or sharp eyes and downward sloped eyebrows would make kids think of the monsters in their nightmares. But tht is just my Nessie in a bad mood. Yes. I find this cute. (Word of caution: If such behavior and physical appearance is observed in the species vanessious villenous, please keep a safe distance of at least two light years.)

9. Powder time. Needed: a hankerchief, baby powder (preferrably by Johnson's) and the Publications Office mirror.

Step 1: Apply a VERY generous amount of baby powder on the hankerchief.

Step 2: Spread the powder all over the face until she looks like a Kabuki actor.

Step 3: Wipe even the powder on the face and wipe out the excess with the other side of the hankerchief.

Step 4: Take one last glance at the mirror, then ask Rey if she looks ok. And kill him if he laughs.

She does this every now and then and I personally find it such a waste of powder, and quite a daily dose of horror. Still i find it cute.

10. One more thing I find cute about her is the way she reacts whenever I call her pet names, specially "Nessie." She would first give you that adorable little pout, then a tickle or two which means, "You are getting on my nerves hot shot." Then maybe a slap or a nudge. Though it doesn't change a thing, I still love calling her Nessie.

NESSIE! NESSIE! NESSIE! NESSIE! NESSIE!

***to those who have requested to view a picture of Nessie, well, here's what she looks like. I used her picture in one of my early Photoshop Artworks. Click on the image to view the bigger version.

The City of the Goddess
-=icewulf=-

Pawetry

2004-10-05T07:59:00.000-07:00

To Lonestar
-=icewulf=-

worry not, i got your back.
put your worries back on the rack.
worry not, i got your back.
lift your veil of ebony black.
worry not, i got your back.
lil babe times two, needs no panic attack.
worry not, i got your back.
i will hold your hand. that's a fact.

To Neversleeps
-=icewulf=-

chin up, head high.
i'll be there when the time is nigh.
chin up, head high.
i'll be there, wont even ask why.
chin up, head high.
i'll be there, need not cry.
chin up, head high.
i'll be there. your strength am i.

Leila

2004-10-04T05:59:00.000-07:00

1st Place 2001 Southern Tagalog
Regional Tertiary Schools Press Conference
Feature Writing in English

Leila
-=rey=-

She arrived in a nicely wrapped cardboard box sitting on the passenger seat of my dads car. She had a red ribbon around her neck, a nice coat of ebony black fur, with bluegreen eyes that can give the most piercing stares or the gentlest glances. My birthday gift, a two months old black rottweiler puppy, Leila.

I loved Leila. I would spend hours everyday playing, training, annoying and getting annoyed by her. She would jump out of nowhere and pin me to the ground just to give me yet another sloppy lick on the cheeks or on the lips. She never grew tired of that. She would watch me play sipa and retrieve it for me, and I did not even teach her how to fetch for it! Either she was that smart that she observed that everytime my sipa flew off I needed it back or she just enjoyed playing fetch. On Sunday mornings I would go to the market and often she would follow me. Hard as I tried I can not make her go back home and just wait for my return. Later on she learned to carry stuff and so I made her a custom basket. One with special ping on the handles to make it easy for her to grip with her mouth and carry. When Leila got older she easily carried five kilos of pork without breaking a sweat, and neither did she give in to the temptation of eating it.

Leila was also the most jealous and protective friend I have ever had. She would walk beside me at all times and would check out anyone who approached me. When I seemed to get lost in conversations with friends while she was around she would gently bite at my hand and place it on her, a sign for me to give her a little attention and a good rub. If anyone approached me in a rather threatening manner she would quickly run up front and stand between me and the other person, her eyes seem to burn with fire and pierce the soul of the person in front of her. One wrong move and she was sure to chase the person until the person is too far away to cause me harm, or she would turn the poor soul into chopped liver.

Memories of Leila always bring some of the most beautiful smiles to my face. Sadly the most memorable memoir of all had to be the last.

I remember it well, it was about 11:32 in the evening. It was a dark and windy night, there was no moon and there was a blackout. I was home alone and in my room listening to my portable casette player which was then playing Kaleidoscope World by Francis Magalona. Lightning and thunder started to break the eerie darkness and silence of the night. Suddenly I heard a differend kind of crackling noise, I turned down the volume of my portable casette player. I heard it one more time, it was definitely not thunder. Armed with a huge Maglite flashlight I went down the stairs to the living room, everything seemed ok, the sliding door was locked & the windows were all closed. "Living room clear." I mused to myself, and just as I was about to turn around and check the dining room and kitchen, I caught a shadow moving and before I could shine my flashlight on it I felt something grab me from my right side. Before I knew it a man dressed all in dark colored clothing had a .38 caliber revolver pointed directly at my head. He entered the house through the dining room door by breaking it open. I was done for, I thought.

He asked me where all the money and jewelry were and demanded that I keep still unless I want to die early. He was about to drag me to the masters bedroom when he changed his mind and said he would just kill me instead. I froze at the thought. I was about to say something when out of nowhere a second dark shadow caught the corner of my eye and the next thing I knew the armed burglar was screaming in pain. Leila! She jumped the burglar from behind and bit him right below the neck on the right shoulder, and there she hang on not wanting to let go, a ferocious growl coming from within her throat. The burglar suddenly in a panic threw himself to the floor which caused Leila to loose her grip. The distraction Leila provided was all I needed, things happened fast, in a split second I heard three shots fired but I did not care at that moment and with a quick flick of my right foot I kicked the gun off the shivering right hand of the burglar after I heard the third shot fired. I turned around and as I landed my right foot I raised the left one to hit him squarely on the cheek and knock him down. The robber looked dizzy and his head fell on one of the marble steps, he lay unconscious.

I was just about ready to celebrate when I heard a faint whining..Leila! Her body lay somewhere between the living room and dining room, her chest was moving slowly up and down, she was still breathing, but aside from that she was motionless. "Stupid dog!", I thought. She was wiling to sacrifice her life for her best friend. She had two gunshot wounds, one on the chest and one on the right hind leg. She was bleeding badly, I knew she would not make it anymore, the chest wound was too much, it probably hit a lung. I looked at her sad eyes, tears were there, but still she looked at me straight into my own teary eyes. She tried to bite my hand and did her best to pull it towards her, she wanted another rub. "Easy girl, you did very good tonight. Too good.", I told her with a cringing voice.

As I looked at her I remembered all the days we had. All I taught her and more importantly all she taught me. Patience. Perseverance. Responsibility. Self-control. And now most importantly, the meaning of unconditional love and faithfulness.

She whined as if relieved as I rubbed her behind the ears. She stared at me straight in the eyes one more time and then she was gone. Rain started to pour like crazy, the neighbors started coming to help and ask if I was okay. All I could do was stare at their alarmed expressions, and cry.

So after seven years of fun, laughter, crazy antics and annoying each other, we parted ways, Leila and I. I was sure lucky to have her as a pet, more importantly, as a best friend. But I was not the only lucky person that night. That burglar was lucky too since the neighbors came at once and took the gun away from my sight.

My life will never be the same again, thank you Leila. I love you and I do miss you.

Prowls on the Net

2004-10-02T10:46:00.000-07:00

I am 65% evil.

And the results say I just crossed over the Border into the Evil Zone. Yeeaaaaahhhh riiiiight. They have not a clue.

Are you evil? find out at Hilowitz.com

Expressway? No. Freeway.

2004-09-30T16:18:00.000-07:00

Expressway? No. Freeway.
-=rey=-

I was coasting through the notorious afternoon rush hour traffic at about 50 kilometers an hour. Everyday, I go through the exact same situation and see the same things. But today seemed different.

Slowly the 50 kilometers an hour cruise became 40, then 25, a few minutes later I was at a complete stop. That is the South Luzon Expressway for you Rey. I muttered to myself. Instead of getting all frustrated and bursting my nerves, I rolled down the window and took a look outside. Just as I expected, the skies behind me were crystal clear, and the skies ahead were dark and heavy, laden with smog. The air in Batangas sure is a lot cleaner than the air in Manila.

I was still looking up to the skies when I got distracted by a flock of pigeons that took off from some of the pine trees lining up the expressway. Off they flew to my right hand side, towards the direction of Mount Makiling.

I rolled up my window. Traffic started moving again. After about half an hour another complete stop. Once again I rolled down my window. There were fewer trees now. Buildings are now situated a lot closer to the expressway at this area. I am near Susana Heights, I presumed. Suddenly, a fork of lightning and the loud crack of thunder that followed startled me. Heheh. Another common weekday afternoon sight and sound here at the South Expressway during the rainy season. The Mitsubishi Galant in front of me seems to be getting ready to move, it has been revving up its engine. Soon enough we roll again.

Five minutes later the trees are all gone and buildings are lined up everywhere. As for the traffic, it is still there. As expected, for one more time another complete stop. I thought about rolling down the window again but heck, I am surrounded by buildings now and the cars are a lot closer to each other. I am much more in danger of dying from carbon monoxide poisoning by rolling down my window than from staying in my car with the air conditioner on. Where am I now? Sucat? Maybe.

Out of the blue another loud rumble is heard, but not that of thunder. Then a gigantic thing crosses the skies above me. Oh, I am by the international airport runways now.

After what felt like forever and a day (which actually was only 15 minutes) traffic started moving again. Just a minute or so later there it was, the cause of the miles long traffic jam. A gasoline tanker lay on its side. Thank God this one was empty.

Out of curiosity I tried to read what company owned and operated the fuel tanker. The rear was so badly scratched I could hardly figure out the name. Aha! Arco. Vendors of some of the cheapest fuel in Ca..li..for..nia? What the hell?! What was an Arco tanker doing in the South Luzon Expressway?!

Then it dawned on me. This was NOT the expressway. I was homeward bound from work and I was currently driving down the 134 freeway going west. I was then in Burbank, California. I had to do a reality check a couple of times before I finally snapped out of it. It felt too much like the Philippines. Like the places I frequented most. Sadly everything had an explanation.

The smog up front was because of the city of Los Angeles. One of the top ten most polluted city atmospheres in the world. The pine trees I saw earlier and the birds and the mountain were all situated alongside the westbound 101 freeway which I merged from. Thunderstorms are not uncommon during the beginning weeks of Fall. And the landing plane was meant to land at the nearby Burbank airport.

I felt like I was sinking into the car seat, and I was just about to entertain my disappointment and my frustration because of the traffic. However, I caught myself and found a reason to smile. This traffic, this freeway, however unpleasant, even for a while, gave me a glimpse, took me back and made me feel what it was like to be in a place I called home.

Act Two Scene One

2004-09-30T06:21:00.000-07:00

Act Two Scene One
(Demigods debate the fate of Felicia)
-=icewulf=-

Set forth thy gaze.
On her battered soul.
Burn down thy blaze.
And dispose thy coal.

Too late for that.
The game has been set.
Woe to that brat.
Time to collect debt.

What then to gain
From thy little spree?
Freedom from pain?
Thats not like thee.

What then to lose?
Give me time to play.
Shes tied her noose.
Ha! Oh happy day!

Thy ways stay strange.
But thy design, clear.
Watch that deranged.
Stupid. No fear.

Entertaining.
She knows not her fall.
Ill keep watching
As she fights this squall.

Why just keep watch?
Why not end it now?
Open a scotch
And set down your brow.

She brought this up.
She must bring it down.
Shant make it stop.
Should she even drown.

Pawetry

2004-09-28T14:31:00.000-07:00

Is It Just Me?

(The Icewulf thinks out loud)

-=icewulf=-

Is it just me?

Or can they just not see.

Everything is bright as day.

Easy for me to read as I may.

Is it just me?

Is this really all they can be?

I give them the benefit of the doubt.

Or should I just let it all out?

Is it just me?

But is this their concept of "we"?

Please tell me this is not it.

I'll give you time.

I'll wait and sit.

Is is just me?

Or can they just not set things free.

Leave it be, let it flow.

Are you afraid true colors might show?

Is it just me?

Or is there a conspiracy?

It saddens me things have to be this way.

Please don't wait for me to jump into the fray.

Is it just me?

Come on, tell me.

Or have you forgotten your creed?

Your consciences you do not heed.

Is it just me?

Pawetry

2004-09-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

Sunset Whispers
-=icewulf=-

Ocean breeze,
Sunset skies.

Beaming smiles,
Tears in my eyes.

Feel the sand so cold,
view the vast blue lawn.

Touch the warm hand to hold,
Feel the shoulder to lean on.

Fill the breeze with stories.
Wash our pains with the waves.

Celebrate our little glories
With sunset whispers - our silent raves.

Echoes of a Full Moon

2004-09-27T07:22:00.000-07:00

"My enemy's enemy is NOT my friend. He's my tool, my pawn."

-icewulf

From the Den Archives - Spring 2004

2004-09-25T22:57:00.000-07:00

Eyesbreaker
-=icewulf=-

In a span of three days the ice is broken. Things turn around. I did not expect to feel this way so soon and honestly, I do not know if I should be glad or not.

From a state of total introspection, wallowing in depression and fears, I now stand high on the peak of Olympus. How? Beats me. Divine (or demonic) intervention most likely.

Due to a string of events my wheel starts to spin and I find myself back on top. Some feel good that I feel this way, for some heheh. I see a few raised brows. Few know aout what happens when I am back on top. People like cynic Kiko, forever critic Concon and subtle but crazy I.N. are part of the handful who know of the silly antics, the freaky thoughts, the wildcard decisions, the power trips, the unpredictability and the suttle vengeance I exact when my hype is up and my moods are good. They are also but the few who have seen my "bitch mode" on. So, do I celebrate? Or do I start to mourn?

Whut-the-hell?! This is not the time for that, I have been in darkness for a while now. And so now I start to party, but pardon me if I happen to crush you as I dance and prance on my way to the stage. It is nothing intentional nor personal, you were just..well..in the way! If you have any problems with that, I am sorry but I have no time for that coz this is my party now and there are no rules, therefore, I do not care about anyone tripping and freaking out on this. Just chillax! Either you kick back with me, or you can hit the road and hit the sack.

What to do now? Back to the roots. The basics of having fun. First find a target. Done. Targets selected. What to do now? Second, observe. Never underestimate observation. It is a good source of ideas, information and entertainment. What next? Third, use data collected from observations and formulate a hypothesis, then (fourth) experiment. This is where it really gets fun. Watch the eyes dude, watch the eyes.

I have only been back to this state for a few days and the laughtrips are great, too bad sometimes I am only laughing quietly in my mind as I am surrounded by my lab rats. I am not content yet though. And for that there is only one solution. I need more experiments to conduct. What happens next? Observe and see.

Pawetry

2004-09-24T11:38:00.000-07:00

Salamas DaTerd!

-=icewulf=-

Isang malaking pasasalamat

Sa aking natatanging kaibigan.

Mahalay.
Di maintindihan.
Makulay
Maaasahan.
Matipuno.
Kalbo.

Salamat Leo.

Pawetry

2004-09-23T20:00:00.000-07:00

Silence
-=icewulf=-

Silence.
Not a whisper. Not a breeze.
Ironically, the sound of Death.
And the music of Peace.

Silence.
What does it bring now?
Fear? Hesitation?
Or did someone disavow?

Silence.
Is this part of the norm?
Or is it merely
The calm before the storm?

Silence.
Foe or ally?
Two edged sword.
The best form of lie.

Silence.
Unpredictable but vicious.
Like tempest winds
Capricious.

Silence.
My favorite weapon.
The unheard enemy.
Vanquishing both reason emotion.

new blog, thx ken2ts!

2004-09-23T16:28:00.000-07:00

ken2ts....puta ka!
would like to say thanks for helping me set up this blog, puta ka talaga!

Everyone...
Welcome to a new chapter!
To those who have continuously supported, read, critiqued and despised my Even Angels Fall Xanga, thank you! I welcome you to the yet another chapter... I could only hope that you be as honest and open as you guys have always been in my past online blogs and xangas...
On with the new posts and comments!

den of the icewulf

Brain Fart: Heart & Brain

Fingers on the keys once again...

Insight on Fear

...of love and lust

....yihee!

...hah!

...lost in thoughts again.

...from a king, for a queen...

...random prowls on the net: ...portrait?!

...collaborations...

...two poems

...one of my life's many angels.

...pride of the Father, warriors of the Spirit, sisters in Christ

Sampaguita Song

Randomness.

...*hic*

...just passing through.

...love...my two cents worth.

lumabas mula sa bughaw

...maybe.

I ramble on...then write a poem.

...soap operas are bad for you.

If you know better, BE better.

Sometimes I just get tired

My Piece of Peace

3...2...1

Saying my thoughts out loud once more....

Old Friends, New Memories

Her Triad

Repost - Kiss' Because I'm A Girl

Catching Up

Sushi Cravings

A Baby Boy's Letter To His Parents

Can't Hold It In Any Longer

My Reply

Paw-etry

Bounty Of The Hunt

Prowls On THe Net

Cancer - Your Love Profile

Frozen Frames

Bounty Of The Hunt

I Embrace

Paw-etry

Paw-etry

Paw-etry

Paw-etry

Random Howl

Random Howl

Paw-etry

Rage of the Wulf

Paw-etry

Paw-etry

Paw-etry

Paw-etry

Paw-etry

Icewulf's Christmas 2004

Paw-etry

C'est La Vie

Echoes Of A Full Moon

Paw-etry

Forever Bruised

Echoes Of A Full Moon

Waiting

Bee's Eye View

Looking Up at Brand Boulevard

Pawetry

Autumn Metamorphosis

Bounty Of The Hunt

Pawetry

Howls On A Blue Moon

Random Howl

The Sixth Pan de Sal

Pawetry

Pawetry

Paradise Found

Bounty of the Hunt

Blue

Morning Sun

Bodyshots

...hic